The Noodle P

Danger Tri-facta

2008-04-21T17:43:00.002-04:00

1. Mother van
2. Student driver on the back
3. DWA

Sorry i haven't been blogging for like 6 months; but there is this thing called time - and there just ain't enough of it.

hope all is well. Critters and husband are fine here.

I am going to become a country western songwriter

2007-10-22T20:14:00.001-04:00

My first song goes like this...

There once was a big black lab named Tosha
She loved her Frisbee and playing catch
but what she liked best
was being the center of attention
and she lived to the ripe old age of ten.

There once was a big horse named Reef
back in the day he was a sight to see
for he was a big beautiful strapping young lad
but his eye was not so good and had to be removed
so now we call him "the one eyed Willie"

Now we all know that things come in threes
and the only thing I can tell you is that despite the costs of animals
my husband still loves me....
Well - at least he did this morning...

From the Washington Post

2007-10-03T09:56:00.000-04:00

An Incursion of Briefs at Guantanamo

Tuesday, October 2, 2007; A17

Undergarments from Under Armour, the sports apparel line, offer "all-day performance, delivered in a lightweight compression fit," at least according to the company' s promotional material. While "unprecedented" in its ability to deliver comfort, Under Armour underwear is not standard issue for detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. So when two men in detention there were found to possess the contraband briefs, the Navy attorney contacted their attorneys. One of the detainees in question is Shaker Aamer, whose release the British government wrote to request from Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice in August. But before turning to the larger question of whether Aamer will stay or go, there's the question of what he's wearing. And as the recent exchange between the Navy lawyer and Aamer's attorney Clive Stafford Smith illustrates, in the legal wrangling over detention, even details on intimates can lead to contentious debate:

From: the Commander, JAGC, U.S. Navy,

Staff Judge Advocate

To: Mr. Clive Stafford-Smith,

attorney for Shaker Aamer

Date: Aug. 12, 2007

"Your client Shaker AAmer, detainee ISN 239, was recently discovered to be wearing Under Armor briefs and a Speedo bathing suit. Neither item was issued to the detainee by JTF-Guantanamo personnel, nor did they enter the camp through regular mail . . . We are investigating the matter to determine the origins of the above contraband and ensure that parties who may have been involved understand the seriousness of this transgression. As I am sure you understand, we cannot tolerate contraband being surreptitiously brought into the camp. Such activities threaten the safety of the JTF-Guantanamo staff, the detainees, and visiting counsel. . . . we would like to know whether the contraband material, or any portion thereof, was provided by you, anyone else on your legal team . . ."

From: Mr. Clive Stafford Smith,

attorney for Shaker Aamer

To: the Commander, JAGC, U.S. Navy,

Staff Judge Advocate

Date: Aug. 29, 2007

"I will confess that I have never received such an extraordinary letter in my entire career. Knowing you as I do, I hope you understand that I do not attribute this allegation to your personally. Obviously, however, I take accusations that I may have committed a criminal act very seriously. . . . I also hope you understand my frustration at yet another unfounded accusation against lawyers who are simply trying to do their job -- a job that involves legal briefs, not the other sort.

. . . First, neither I, nor Mr. Katznelson [attorney for other detainee found with briefs], nor anyone else associated with us has had anything to do with smuggling 'unmentionables' into these men, nor would we ever do so.

Second, the idea that we could smuggle in underwear is farfetched. As you know, anything we take in is searched and there is a camera in the room when we visit the client. Does someone seriously suggest that Mr. Katznelson or I have been stripping off to deliver underpants to our clients? . . .

I had never heard of 'Under Armor briefs' until you mentioned them, and my internet research has advanced my knowledge in two ways -- first, Under Armour apparently sports a 'U' in its name, which is significant only because it helps with the research.

Second, and rather more important, this line of underpants are very popular among the military. . . . It would be worth checking whether this lingerie was purchased from the NEX [Navy Exchange store] there in GTMO, since the internet again leads one to suspect that the NEX would be purveyors of Under Armour . . . perhaps you might check the label to see whether these are 'tactical' underwear, as this is apparently something Under Armour has created specially for the military. . . . I don't mean to say that it is an open and shut case proving that your military provided the underwear, as I understand that other people use Under Armour. One group I noticed on the web were the amateur weight lifters, who seem confused as to whether Under Armour give them a competitive advantage.

However, in the grand scheme of things, I would think we can all agree that the interrogators or military officers are more likely to have access to Messrs. Aamer and el Gharani than the U.S. Amateur Power Lifting Association.

� 2007 The Washington Post Company

the things you learn on your way to work...

2007-09-24T19:19:00.000-04:00

the speed limit may be 65, but that may mean that your max speed is 25.

No matter what alternate route you take home - everyone is going to same way.

It is not nice to say good morning by giving someone the finger (B - this is for you)

The back roads are beautiful, but everyone knows about them.

when you go 25 mph your hairs doesn't dry.

Sirius radio will have the same song playing on three of it's stations at the same time

Planning dinner when driving is not a good idea.

no on seems to understand the pedal on the right thing.

People from Virgina need to have their licenses revoked til they can pass another driving test.

I made it!!

2007-09-18T20:22:00.000-04:00

i made itthrough my last day with my old employer with flying colors. No one was around and they outprocessed me via mail... Have you heard such a thing?

Love the new job. My officemate is a RIOT!! And the indoctrination process is getting better each day. Found out my first project will be a rain wreck, but such is life. I live for crisis!!

Dogs are very confused that I am leaving at o dark thrity, but I will make it you to them... treats are a great thing!

Gang - need a sushi night... whenever it works for everyone else.

training your replacement

2007-09-10T17:06:00.000-04:00

It is never fun training your replacement. They never want to do things the way that you want them done. They always have rose coloered glasses. They never understand the issues as you see them. Everything is a major ordeal to them. And I HATE repeating myself and I did nothing but repeat myself today. On the other hand sometimes it take an outside point of view. There is a lot of information to process. But for heavens sake, a good size program deseres more then a hours for a transition....

4 more days until new job... I can not wait.

Is there anyone who speaks English here?

2007-09-08T09:11:00.000-04:00

the trials and tribulations of getting one's nails done has hit a new low. I have called every nail place within a 15 mile radius and NONE of them spoke English.

Rewind...

Last week I had a pedicure at the place that I have gone to twice. The first time that that I went to the place, they were nice but did not understand what I wanted. They finally did get it right. The second time I went back I had an appointment for fills and a pedicure. When I turned up, they double booked the girl who had my appointment. "You wait 15 minute" UMMM NO I am sorry, I have an appointment.

So we get to the pedicure...

I had ingrown toe surgery on my big toe, and I explained "no trim on that side", so what does the non-speaking 90 year old, smiling "yes yes I understand" do.. Digs right in and trims my big toe. Which, of course resulted in me kicking her almost in the face (it was involuntary - I swear), screaming at the top of my lungs and startling everyone in the shop. Clearly, she did not understand what I had told her.

So that has sent me on the search for a new mani / pedi person who at least understands "no trim that side" and not one bloody shop runs a good cover to answer the bloody phone. Anyone have any ideas?? Oh and I hate those stupid drills too...

DODGEBALL

2007-09-06T21:03:00.001-04:00

SWEET!! I found a dodgeball league that is local!! And it is very affordable ($18) The only thing is that it is Wednesday nights @ 6:30. With starting a new job, not sure I can make that schedule.

h well - I know for future reference.

Things to do when you are a short timer...

2007-08-30T08:25:00.001-04:00

1) Surf QVC's 24 hour product review for christmas presents.
2) Play online Tetris
3) research your fantasy football team to the point where you can intelligently discuss all rookies and express whether or not you think that they will make the cut.
4) Continue to think of new ways you would like to torture Vick for poor performance.
5) research the Chrysler Aspen for your mother who has decided that she needs an SUV to go shopping. (Yeah - Don't ask!)
6) Plan your outdoor kitchen.
7) Plan the annual Fredneck bonfire and determine which piece of furniture should be burned this year.
8) Hope that the person (or people in my case) will take care of your team.
9) Read blogs.
10) write the grocery list
11) pay the bills
12) Read every online news source known to man kind.
13) Download every dead show from archive.org
14) get in touch with all of your old friends to let them know you are leaving your company and tell them to stop emailing you at work.
15) House shop for your in-laws
16) Decide that even though you are a short timer, you probably should do some work.

I was tagged! Oh The Excitement!! :-)

2007-08-18T19:10:00.000-04:00

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.

Eight random things about me....

1> Sometimes I am not as good of a friend as I should be.
2> I really do pray for people that I say I am going to say prayers for.
3> I am generally a happy person, but I am the most happy when I am riding my horses.
4> Nothing smells better then a barn at 4:30 in the morning.
5> I have accepted my husband's belief that a Brinks truck is never in a funeral procession. Meaning live it up, because you can not take it with you
6> If it were not for spell check, I would have more spelling errors.
7> I am addicted to the DIY channel.
8> I do not know 8 people with blogs that have not already been tagged. So lame, I know.

Pardon the interuption

2007-08-18T18:47:00.000-04:00

It has been a really long time since I have visited my blog, maybe even longer since I posted something.

So here is the run down of random thoughts...

Dogs are doing great. We have a lab rainbow now, yes a chocolate, a yellow and a black. Megan is the name of the new addition. She was a rescue from West by god Virginia.

I have bid farewell to my employer and will be starting a new job soon. Very exciting opportunity. Not an easy decision, but gotta do what ya gotta do. More about that later.

I have found that I am constantly thinking of new ways to torture Micheal Vick. I hope that there is a special place in hell for him and his cohorts. It is becoming a rather fun thing. even seen the History Channel special about torture devices - yeah I think they need to employ all of them. Enough about that.

Rain barrels are SO COOL. I am just excited because we just put ours in and it is nice to know that I am not running the well and doing something green - ok more things green.

The state police have gotten tricky by shooting radar in cars that are the same color as the guardrails. Sneaky buggers.

Come on hurricanes - where are you? We need on to come up the coast.

He he and I will not have to be on storm duty (Sorry Chip!)ever again!

So nice to be able to have the Windows open on a day like this!

LG TROMM steam washer are awesome!!

An outdoor kitchen before gutting the indoor kitchen - umm yeah - I have to think about that.

I hope all is well with everyone!!

!!!!PET FOOD RECALL!!!!

2007-05-04T17:12:00.000-04:00

As a SmartPak customer I was SO happy and SO sad to read this email..... I applaud SmartPak for their outstanding customer service and for their social responsibilty.

Dear SmartPak Customer,

I am writing to inform you that on May 2nd, we initiated a voluntary recall of all orders of LiveSmart Adult Lamb and Brown Rice. This product tested positive for presence of melamine.

Previously, we had recalled another of our dog food brands, LiveSmart Weight Management Chicken and Brown Rice, which contained rice protein concentrate sourced from Wilbur Ellis. We were not able to determine if our product had been made with a contaminated batch without waiting many days for test results, so we voluntarily recalled the product the same day our contract manufacturer informed us of the potential for contamination to lessen the possibility of harm to dogs.

As part of our efforts to investigate this situation and prevent further issues, we immediately sent all the LiveSmart brand dog foods out for melamine testing.

Those tests came back on May 2nd, and the results surprised us. The LiveSmart Weight Management formula—the subject of our original recall—did not have any melamine detectable in the sample. Nor did LiveSmart Adult Chicken and Brown Rice, LiveSmart Puppy and Brown Rice, or LiveSmart Senior and Brown Rice, all of which tested negative for melamine. This is what we would have expected, since none of these products contain rice protein concentrate or wheat gluten.

But our Adult Lamb and Brown Rice formula did show presence of melamine. This was unexpected, since the product does not contain either of the suspect ingredients, nor any of the additional ingredients on the FDA watch list. All the meat and vegetable ingredients, with the exception of the lamb and lamb meal, originate from United States sources; none originate in China. The lamb and lamb meal we use in the formula is sourced from New Zealand, which has some of the strictest controls in the world, particularly surrounding use of antibiotics.

Once we received these test results, we immediately suspended production of SmartPaks containing LiveSmart Lamb. We pulled the product off the website. We notified UPS to redirect all packages destined for our customer’s homes. And we initiated this recall after discussing the situation with the FDA. Within hours, 99 percent of the roughly 220 pet owners feeding LiveSmart Lamb via SmartPaks were contacted by live phone contact or message, and/or email. We have had live contact with the majority of affected pet owners, and are continuing an aggressive outreach program to ensure that the notification has been received. To reduce likelihood of pet owners continuing to feed the food, replacement product is being shipped to affected customers free of charge.

It appears that our LiveSmart Lamb formula was produced shortly after another company’s food that used contaminated rice protein concentrate, and that resulted in cross-contamination of our food. In addition to working with our contract manufacturer to identify steps that will reduce the possibility for cross contamination, we are testing all batches of finished products for the presence of melamine. We are also reformulating our LiveSmart Weight Management formula to eliminate the use of rice protein concentrate. Although in its pure form, rice protein concentrate is considered a high quality vegetable protein source, given the present situation, we feel that there are other options to ensure high protein levels that carry less risk.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact us at 1-800-461-8898. Our Product Specialists are available from 8:30am to 8pm EST Monday – Thursday and 8:30am to 5:30pm EST Friday. Our Customer Service line is open 24/7.

We are all very upset to have exposed our customers and their dogs to this situation. We and other responsible members of the pet community will be working aggressively to implement additional testing and production safeguards to ensure that this does not happen again. I will continue to update our website as more information becomes available.

Sincerely,

Snippets from the weekend

2007-04-23T12:38:00.000-04:00

Secure your balls.
OH -I did not need to see that.
Yeah we did it to ourselves
I haven't done that in like 10 years
A team of day workers couldn't do it in a year
It may be a pain in the ass...
My head hurts
Beater elbow
Where is the rum?
Don't forget the rum...
How about some more rum?
You are not drinking nearly enough.
where are my sunglasses?
Ready...go

Pray for Pee

2007-03-11T17:57:00.000-04:00

The Mad Mac household had a horrible accident this weekend. An accident that has had J and I on the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. But right now we are praying for pee.

Tosha was hit by a truck and has spent the last two days in intensive care in Greenbriar Vet Center and now she is in Leesburg under the care of Dr. Bush.

She has a broken shoulder, a broken tail, her left leg has a gash, and her left side is very swollen and sore. We have been able to confirm that there is no internal bleeding and the she did not rupture her bladder, as we first thought. The worst part of this is her tail. As some of you know, all of her life her tail has gotten Tosha in trouble - be it clearing a coffee table, flicking a full cup of soda across the room, or sweeping the kitchen floor.

Where the tail meets the spine is where the nerves that control the bladder come out of the spine. (well that is the best I can explain it right now.) This means that she can not control her bladder. Where you may be thinking they make diapers for that problem you would be wrong - her bladder is bascially stuck shut - which means she can not pee.

If she can not pee in the next few days on her own - then J and I have a very tough decision to make.

If you have a moment, or can spare a thought, please say a little prayer for pee.

UPDATE:

Tosha is resting this morning and talking to the staff to let them know exactly how she feels. She is not able to get up on her own, but when she is helped up she can walk for about 15 feet on her own power. She was able to posture to pee this morning and was able to do so for about 5 seconds. THIS IS HUGE! She still nees to have her bladder expressed, but the fact that she could go a little bit on her own is such a good sign.

Thank you to all of you who had said prayers, and if you could keep them coming, J & I would greatly appreacite it.

UPDATE #2:
No new progress to really report. Tosha is resting. They have taken the IV out of her leg and she is still really lame up front.

Thank you for the continued prayers.

UPDATE #3:
Last night J, Hunter, and I went to see Tosha. Hunter was happy to see his girl, so hopefully he will calm down a little bit. Tosha definitely wants to come home. I got the lab lean and lots of kisses. We got to spend about 45 minutes with her. She was able to stand and hobble around pretty good. Dr. Bush expressed her bladder and then left us to have some private dog dog time. Tosha continued to hobble around and then miraculously swatted and pottied. It is really sad to say, but to see her cop a swat was the highlight of my day. No one form the vet clinic saw her do this so they are a bit skeptical. They are going to keep her for observations and to see if she will go for herself. When J, Hunter, and I left she definitely was not happy and they had to give her a sedative. She slept last night for the first time since she has been at Leesburg.

Thank you for all of your prayers - and please keep them coming. She is not out of the woods yet.

UPDATE #4:

SHE'S HOME!! Tosha came home last night!! She is sleeping a lot, but is able to get up by herself every once in a while. She is eating like a horse and drinking a lot. These are all good things.

I can not say enough good things about the care she has gotten from all of the vets and specialist. (Yes they have specialist for dogs - Who knew!) I will keep you posted but for now - I think the Mad Mac household needs a little down time to chill out.

Thank you all very much for all of your thoughts and prayers!

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda

2007-02-20T16:18:00.000-05:00

Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me?"
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me?"

No this is not another ear worm - but I bet it is stuck in your head now...

Matilda is actually Herman's new trailer and we have been waiting for her like you wait for a pot of water to boil. I got word today that she is moving her way down the manufacturing line and is due to be 'born' on March 1st.

She will have extra floor supports on top of being XXL for the 17.2 beastie.

Reef has not commented on the fact that his **cough snarf** 'little' brother is getting a new trailer. I think he is just waiting for his first air ride. OK so it is not really an air ride trailer - but it is gosh darn close - and Reef does not need to know that. Instead of green swishes it will have silver ones - because it will match the trucks.

I know - "you horse people are Nucking Futz!"

The Saga of the Stupid Previous Owner Continues..

2007-02-17T10:53:00.000-05:00

we have been having problems with our brand new heating system and it turs out to be something that should have been picked up on at sales / installation / and any of the 7 services calls. A new breaker and another electric line had to be run.

There was an exisiting wire in the basement that has been just hanging down from the rafters. J and I thought that since it was run in conduit through the garage into the basement that maybe it could be used....

Turns out, unbeknownst to us, it was a live 220v...just hanging in the freaking basement. No electric caps, no junction box, no nothing - I mean just bloody hanging there begging to make contact with something to start a fire. We had surmized that the preivous owner had used it to run a hot tub...and we were right. However, we had no idea that it as live or even connecting in the breaker box. WTF?

And if you had seen this thing it looked lke someone has just taken a knife to it to sever the connection. Honestly, it looked like it was something someone had run and forgot about.

I can not wait to see what other F'ed up shit we have to find in this house. I am truely begining to believe if there is 7 ways to f something up - the previous owner found exponential ways to f things up. WHO LEAVES A 220V WIRE JUST HANGING THERE!!!

BUGGER!!!!

Another earworm for ya!

2007-02-01T14:43:00.001-05:00

My name is Chilly Willy,
I'm frozen through and through.
My knees are cold, and my toes are too.
Ah, ee, achoo.

For the Honey Bee

2007-01-31T10:26:00.000-05:00

It's astounding, time is fleeting

Madness takes its toll

But listen closely, not for very much longer

I've got to keep control

I remember doing the Time Warp

Drinking those moments when

The blackness would hit me and the void would be calling

Let's do the time warp again...

Let's do the time warp again!

It's just a jump to the left

And then a step to the right

With your hands on your hips

You bring your knees in tight

But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,

Let's do the Time Warp again!

It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me

So you can't see me, no not at all

In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention

Well-secluded, I see allWith a bit of a mind flip

You're there in the time slip

And nothing can ever be the same

You're spaced out on sensation, like you're under sedation

Let's do the Time Warp again!

Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think

When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink

He shook me up, he took me by surprise

He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes.

He stared at me and I felt a change

Time meant nothing, never would again

Let's do the Time Warp again!

We just have to watch that line of weather

2007-01-25T13:07:00.000-05:00

That is the only thing I heard today a peaked my interest. As we have not had an substatntial snow, there have been no blizzards, no ice, NADA. But I heard this thing about a line of weather that got me all excited.

Could it be bad enough to close the Fed? Could it be bad enough that I will actually be able to justify stocking the freezer for the blizzard that both Jeff and I know will never happen because we stocked the freezer. Could it be bad enough that the Fed closes, I can justify the freezer being full, have people over before it snows, and then we can sled and bonfire all day? Or bettter yet I can go ride int he snow? There is something about riding in the snow that is surreal.

BUT THERE IS NO LINE OF WEATHER!!!!!!! This was a mean, cruel, and unusual torture method used by my co-workers.... BUGGER!!!

Visualize Purple Camo

2007-01-11T14:30:00.000-05:00

sorry it has been a while since my last post. Happy New Year!

New Years came and went with the rain coming down and the fireworks going up. (Thanks Rick for the great show!!)

Festivus is unofficially still being planned for sometime in February. Probably to coincide with the Super Bowl. Baltimore Ravens willing, the theme will be purple. (Sorry B, I truly do wish that the Redskins had a better year)

So more to the heart of it....

The Colts are coming to Baltimore...

I was a kid when the Colts left Baltimore in the dead of night. I can still remember the news cast of the Mayflower trucks in the snow. That memory is still very much a live in my hometown. I remember my grandfather being angry about his season tickets, my aunt calling for Irsay's head on the city gates (and yes I was young enough to think that there really were gates to the city.), my mother was angry, and who knows where my father was. I remember my first Colts game at Memorial Stadium. My father had a flask and brought a glass thermos bottle full of hot dogs. The people behind us had brought in a cooler. AHHH - now that was football!!!

For a long time Thanksgiving was not Thanksgiving without football in Charm City. Christmas was somehow not as jolly, family discussions about football became venomous. (Irsay's head should hang on the city gates!) And what sports team was in Baltimore to love in the dead of winter... NONE. Winters were colder then normal.

Then the CFL came to town and I admit it was good to be back in Memorial Stadium, sitting where our season ticket for the Orioles were for half the price. I did not get some of the rules; it was fun. But it was not the NFL.

And then Baltimore was passed over for an expansion team. I think that you could actually hear hearts breaking like glass across the city.

November 6, 1995 was a great day for Baltimore Football history. The Cleveland Browns were coming to Baltimore. We did understand how the Cleveland Browns fans felt. We had lost a beloved team too. Cleveland would get to keep their team name, their colors, and everything else that was theirs. While there was heartache in Cleveland, Baltimore was busy with what shall we call this team. There were name contests and quite frankly - they could not have picked a better on for the character of this team, or more about the city where they come to play.

After 13 years, football was back... and back to stay. A heartfelt "THANK YOU" to Art Modell.

We have watched the Ravens win some and lose some. We have watched quarterbacks come and go. We have watched our defense win a Super Bowl and we will continue to watch. Good, bad , or indifferent the fans will be there, because most of us remember what it was like to not have football in Charm City.

I have digressed, haven't I?

When Peyton Manning and the Colts offensive line come to the line of scrimmage, wait 5 seconds as Rex Ryan has requested, and then scream. Let out all of the frustration, anger, and or hatred that you have for the Colts. We know that our fan-freaking-tastic defense will do it's job. We know that "In McNair / Wilcox / Mason / Clayton and the rest of the Offensive Line We Trust"

May Manning wish he was Rothlisberger, and May the Ravens get a second post season game at home. AMEN

Festivus... For the Rest of US

2006-12-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

WHEW! I was so happy to read in the New York Times that the first Festivus was held in February. I was getting a bit crazed about running out of time to schedule, plan, and otherwise get ready for Festivus. Much less where the hell Jeff was going to find and aluminum pole that would be suitable.

So we still have not come up with a date, a guest list, or really anything other then this party is going to take place.

So stay tuned!!

Ever had one of those days?

2006-12-18T16:23:00.000-05:00

Or maybe like this....

go 2 clicks and turn right at the PO

2006-11-14T14:51:00.000-05:00

You must fill out form x and have it approved three weeks ahaed of your visit.

To enter we will need your Name, DOB, SSN, make, model, VIN number of your automobile, license plate, reason for visit, and visit contact 2 weeks prior to your visit.

Once on site you will be subjected to a body search, puffer machines, anal probe, metal detectors, and all articles in your posession will be searched and ex-rayed.

After this you will be taken to room and interviewed. After the interview you will be sniffed by dogs and given another anal probe.

Once you have been deemed trustworthy, this process must be repeated once a month.

4 and a half days

2006-11-03T18:58:00.000-05:00

I can not take it anymore. I can not take the political ads. If I have to watch Wedding Crashers, The Longest Yard, The Pacifier, Crimson Tide or any other movie on HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, Starz, Encore or any other movie channel, then so be it. I have done it for the past three weeks I can do it for another 4.5 days.

The he said this in 1979 and the she said that, and he took from here and she gave to there, and the he doesn't own that dog. He golfed and he let education go down the drain. She wants to raise taxes to the he votes with Bush and we are nothing like Bush. The Dems this and the Reps that. The negative ad campaign has turned me off from all candidates. Each and every one who has made a media buy - I am not voting for you. I was going to vote for some of you, but not anymore. I think I may even change my affiliation to Green.

What are the issues for this election" Stem cell research? Taxes? Smoking in public? Abortion? Slots? (OOPS - that one has yet to come up.) Adoption of 3rd world babies? Land conservation? Seafood conservation? Fuel emissions? Cost of oil?

Granted everyone has their own issues. Some of us have so many hang-ups, Christmas trees are jealous. But what are the real issues. They can be anything that we want them to be. Why should we have politicians dictate to us what is important. We elect them - their issues should be our issues – right?!? Yes, Yes, I know - how naive of me.

Well since the politicians are informing us what issues they are running on - maybe they might want to know what issues might be important to the voter base. (ok it may be a little self centered because I do not assume to speak for anyone else.)

Taxes: Keep your hands out of my wallet. I work hard for my money and you should to Mr. or Ms. Politician. I think you should take all of your special interest money and give it to the Treasury to help pay off the deficit, whether it be state or federal. We will probably pay it off faster then continuing to jack up the voter base taxes.

Abortion: Just exactly who to you think you are telling me what I can and what I can not do with my body. The last time I checked you were not paying my medical insurance and the doctor / patient confidentiality was in effect (unless you tapped the phone line). I have never had to make this choice - but it would be mine to make. Not some person on some hill in some robe or some person in some capitol building in some suit. Or some person carrying a sign shouting atrocities to people who have to make that decision. Mr. or Ms. Politician - what I do with my body is none of your business.

Stem Cell Research: All for it. Mr. or Ms. Politician it could be you or one of your family members it could save. Let them at least try. You never know, in death there could be life.

The Horse Industry / Slots: Find ways to allow the horse industry to grow. Put slots in and stop fighting over the money. In the fine state of Maryland, lottery money is for the Stadium Authority to build and/or I guess payoff the stadiums. So why not let the slot money go to the horse industry? Because is should go to education? Educate people to have a vocation in the horse industry. Educate people that horses do not eat lettuce.

Land Preservation: Mr. or Ms. Politician God isn't making anymore land. Do your best to preserve it and conserve it. I do not know about the rest of the world - but I do not need to see any more McMansions on quarter acre lots priced at $1,000,000+. Which means you might have to forge relationships with people who care about land preservation and let developers who want to make a buck fall by the wayside. But should you take a kickback from the developer - make sure you give it to the Treasury to pay the deficit.

Education: Let teachers teach to teach their area of expertise; not so students can pass a standardized test. Pay teachers a decent wage; in a lot of ways they are raising children for parents who view school as a babysitting service. How do you make education better? You make better parents. Because it all starts at home… So find a way to hold parents accountable for their children’s actions. Mr. or Ms. Politician, the some children in school right now have no concept of accountability or repercussions for actions. They are the people who are eventually going to be taking care of this country. Some are very hard workers and want to learn, but they are the select few. For the sake of this country – find a way to better the education system. Do not pass children because they may be left behind. Maybe they need to be left behind.

Cost of Education: If an individual wants to further their education - I am all for it. But it should not cost over $20k per semester for a state run school. Schooling is expensive. Books, computers, clothes, spending cash, club dues, the list goes on and on. I think one way to maybe limit or offset the cost of say books, is to stop allowing professors to force students to buy the brand new text book that the professor just republished and it is the same content as the previous version, except for one paragraph on page 65. (I have actually had to purchase a $250.00 book under these circumstances.) Maybe have corporate sponsors for students. Sort of like a paid internship, except the corporate sponsor pays the school tuition. Company gets the molded employee that they want, the school gets the money they want.

I do not profess to have all of the answers or any of the answers for that matter. There are a lot of people out there who are brighter then I am and who are better equipped to provide a solution. These are the things that I find to be important. Maybe some of these things are important to you, maybe they are not.

Four and a half days and I can watch something other then movies again!

And so it has been decided...

2006-10-19T11:00:00.000-04:00

There shall be a Festivus for the Rest of Us party at Mt. Garagemore. However - the date may need to change from Dec 23 to Dec 26, but yes ladies and gentlemen that shall be Festivus! Complete with the airing of the greivences and the feats of strength.

Now keep in mind the Festivus can not end until the head of the house hold is pinned... Did I mention that Jeff wrestled and is pretty tough to get off his feet anyway - we could be in for a long party here people!!!

ahhh sleep....

2006-10-18T16:15:00.000-04:00

For those of you who are wondering how long it took to put out the 3 foot deep pile of embers in the firepit - they just went out last night with the rain. yes the Bonfire remained burning for roughly 4 days, despite repeated drenchings and turnings. I do not have pictures yet, and quite frankly I did not take any myself.

I was more worried about did everyone eat enough and what time we were cutting the cake.

But now that the fire is out and for the most part everything has been cleaned up I can honestly say that the Bonfire is over. And yes I am already mentally plotting the next one!

A huge thank you to my mother-in-law and brother in law for helping keep me sane! It would not have gotten done if you had not helped!! FireMarshall B - thank you for not letting the fawr get out o control. And last but not least Jeff - you rock!! Thank you for everything - even the last minute ice run.

All in all we had one TV crew, 2 dogs, and 56 people. Who consumed 25 lbs of ribs, roughly 40 hamburgers, 10 lbs of italian sausage, one veggie lasgna, 2 lbs of crab dip, a whole artichoke dip, countless bags of corn chips, a couple cases of beer, a couple bottles of liquor, and half of an anniversary cake! Whoo hoo - let's do it all gain next week!!!

not perfect- but still #1

2006-10-10T10:57:00.000-04:00

I couldn't watch the second half of the game. I just could not continue to watch the slugfest. When the Broncos went up by 3, I had to watch Weeds. Tivo insisted!

t-Minus 5 days and 23 hours until Bonfire....

2006-10-08T17:50:00.000-04:00

The house is no where near presentable. Tyvek is where the fireplace should be, we do not have enough tables, and it has crossed my mind that having any where from 40 to 60 people to your house is a bit stressful.

Everyone is coming in from New York and I am really psyched to have them because Beef and Wolf have not been down since we moved. It is a reunion of sorts. In hopes that this is an annual event, I hope it all goes well.

Did I mention that there is a 25 foot pile of rock inthe middle of the bonfire area? No Kidding see... But I am not worried - it is a place to play king of the mountain.

Here is an idea of what things look like outside right now.

Mud wresting anyone?

I just want to learn how to drive a bobcat. So that if we ever have to dig out the garage again, We can save on labor costs. In the event you were wondering how deep this really is... You could bury a backhoe in it.

But I am not freaked out that the cast of thousands are coming to my house and everything is ripped up. No - not at all.

How is Jeff dealing with all of this? He is taking everything right in stride. My shelter in the storm, my rock, my anchor. Yes Jeff, after the party we sleep.

AHH Who am I kidding we can sleep when we are dead. But I promise, no more painting until the fireplace is in.

4-0 = PERFECT

2006-10-02T13:03:00.000-04:00

It was an awesome nail biting expeirence at the Ravens game yesterday. Simply nailbiting. For the second week straight it boiled down to the last 35 seconds of the game. While leaving the stdium the only thing you could hear was the crowd chanting "Heap", followed by a round of "4 and 0, 4 and 0".

Yes ladies and gentleman - the Baltimore Ravens went out and found themselves a quarterback and are PERFECT.

There is no crying in baseball

2006-10-02T12:52:00.000-04:00

nope there sure isn't! And I did not cry once while being subjected to watch the NY Mets spank the Nats at RFK stadium. I amused myself by remembering (OK trying to remember) the last Grateful Dead show that I saw in the stadium. Questioned where the stage would have been, remembered set lists, and wished that Jerry was still alive - because a Dead show is MUCH better then any baseball game.

Being not fond of any thing of or pertaining to baseball (OK I would rather shove toothpicks in my eyes, so maybe I hate baseball.) I was rather proud of myself for not brooding, or huffing, or stewing. I smiled and did a lot of people watching.

I did my best to not smack the girl who was with us for her demanding personality (I mean she asked me in a round about way to wash her clothes for her. Yeah - And about how well did that go over?!? yeah - guess who will not be the great fredneck bonfire!! Her invitation was revoked!!)

At any hoot, I survived a baseball game, had a little bit of fun, and got to come home to the gaping hole in the side of my house ready for more spackle.

Good Morning Campers!

2006-09-18T17:32:00.000-04:00

"Good Morning Campers - if you are here for the 7:00 trip down the upper gauley please report to the outpost to sign your waivers." We signed our waivers, watched our safety video, got our life vests and helmets, hopped on the bus and we were off to whitewater raft the Upper Gauley.

"Good morning everyone. My name is Jeremy and I will be your guide. I am a really mellow guy, and I do not really cuss very much. If you hear me screaming and cussing it is because you are not working as a team and on this river you will die."

***GULP*** Did he just say die? I think he really said die!***

"Please pick up your boat and carry it down to the water." And just like that we hopped in and we were off. Jeremy gave us a lesson in what eddys looked like so we knew when we went for a swim.

Initiation was a lot of fun. We of course got really wet and as the sun had not broken through the clouds, it was kind of cold.

Insignificant was a lots o fun with a lot of surfing at the end. Half our boat went for a swim while surfing. Matt picked me up (Thanks Matt!!) And I have no idea who picked everyone else up, but we all ended up in the boat safely.

Pillow Rock was a blast and we missed the room of doom. In the event that I missed this part - the pontoon that you stick your feet under to keep you in the boat - mine was disfunctional. That is to say non-existent. So how I stayed int he boat I will never know...

Lost paddle was perfect - even Jeremy said so. Through six-pack without a problem. Although we watched a boat almost flip over - which is really bad because of all of the undercut rocks which if a swimmer gets under they will be under there for a while. One boat did have to look for their swimmer. No evac - it was all good.

Somehwere between Iron Ring and Sweet's Falls I went for a swim. I was there and then I was gone. Boat on top of me - actually running over me. It was great. No sooner did I come up I was being heaved into the boat. But what was kind of funny about it was that my life vest was coming off. Maybe I was the only one who found that remotely funny.

Sweet's Falls is supposed to be the easiest of all of the rapids... but it was our complete demise. Jeremey said we had a bad line - not enough backstroke at the top. The only thing I really remember was him yelling to get down. We all got down all right. I bent my paddle, we had a swimmer, we lost Jeremey and Mandy was knocked out cold. It surfices to say that it was DEFINATELY the scarist part of the trip.

That Mandy she is a trooper!! She hung in there and finished the river. She even "rode the bronco" and got thrown by the bronco. Good for her!!

In the end we all had fun around our bonfire (he he he - there I go again playing with fire) and laughed about it, scared one of the people who was going down the Gauley for the first time - SOLO. But I really thought Jeff was kidding when he said it was big water.

The Upper Gauley is not a joke. I kind of of thought it was hype (GASP) - no really I did. I did not realize that we (Jeff, Rick, Mandy, and I) would get worked on this river. And worked we did - but we lived to tell about it, laugh about it, and Jeff is even planning the trip for next year... for the guys... the girls are staying home.

For the Blackberry impaired...

2006-09-11T11:51:00.000-04:00

I could not help but pass these excersies along for those of you who have Crackberryitis....

The APTA also recommends the following simple exercises:

Tap each finger with the thumb of the same hand. Repeat five times.
Alternate tapping the palm of your hand and the back of your hand against your thigh as quickly as you can. Repeat 20 times.
Open your hands and spread your fingers as far apart as possible. Hold for 10 seconds and repeat eight times.
Fold your hands together, and turn your palms away from your body as you extend your arms forward. You should only feel a gentle stretch. Hold for 10 seconds and repeat eight times.
Fold your hands together, turn your palms away from your body, and extend your arms overhead. You should feel the stretch in your upper torso and shoulders to hand. Hold for 10 seconds and repeat eight times.

A HUGE THANK YOU

2006-09-11T07:34:00.000-04:00

To K and B for helping us this weekend!! Muchly appreciated! P.S. The chair is now gone in a puff of smoke!!!

But you are not a normal girl...

2006-09-10T13:04:00.000-04:00

Alas it is true - I am not a girlie girl, much to my mother's dismay. She is still convinced that her child is out there somewhere. The one who loves to spend hours shopping. One who loves to go to Neiman Marcus and spend hours upon hours upon hours shopping? I remember when the first mega mall opened in our area there were 107 stores under one roof. Oh she was so excited, after shop #3 I was done. But no we had to go to every store; each and everyone. But I digress...

My father taught me how to drive the tractor when I was like 8. That meant I got to mow the lawn, pick up sticks and rocks, move wood, and do whatever else we could do with the tractor. Every weekend we went to the hardware store (pre-Home Depot) and earned about miter boxes, chain saws, axes, nuts, bolts, socket wrenches, sakcrete, Grape Nehi, and Chocolate Yoo-Hoo. When I as 10 he taught me how to drive a car, then he proceeded to vacate the premises and have a non-existent role in my life. Which I am happy to report, I am completely fine with. But I think that all of the non-girlie-girl activities set me up to be the anti-girlie-girl girl.

When other girls were playing with Barbie’s, I was teaching my dog to jump like a horse, building swing sets, hiking in the woods, playing in streams, throwing mud pies, and riding mini-bikes. When other girls were learning how to put on makeup - I was riding ponies, reading Natoinal Geographic , tried to figure out how things worked, playing Lacrosse, Soccer, Hoops, and flag football with the guys. I would rather be mucking a stall in the barn then go to the mall. Clothes shopping has historically meant a trip to the tack store, because they were having a horse blanket sale or something like that. Must have well dressed beasties!

At 14 I learned how to take an engine out of a car, do an oil change, and yes, be one of the guys. I got a glimpse of boys (they were boys then) that not many girl got to see. What they REALLY said about their Friday night date, what they loved and hated about girls, their hang-ups, and other various sundry things all while reading Car and Driver, Crutchfeild, or The Chronicle. Needless to say I never had pretty nails.

Through out my life, I have taken those lessons learned in various garages and it has served me well to this point. Even when at parties, my men friends will say something to me along the lines of, "But your are not a normal woman." and then go on to explain that I would rather be in a barn getting dirty then looking like a pretty girlie-girl.

But this weekend something hit my while watching The Little Giants. Would my life have been different if I were a girlie-girl?

I sure would not have been playing Dodgeball and Kickball at recess as a child, I sure would not have learned about cars or to stand my own with a mechanic who does not know me. I probably would have still learned how to ride; but I would have been the girl who just showed up to ride. My horse would have been groomed and tacked and then would be hot walked for me when I got done. I would have learned how to put on makeup. I may have even enjoyed shopping (I shudder to think!!) I would probably be devastated if someone called me a bitch. And probably countless other things...

One thing I do know, is that I would not have the life I have today. Jeff does not really seem to mind that I know more about tractors then he does. I am driven (which by default makes me a bitch BTW), successful, and most important, comfortable in my own skin. So I am not a girlie-girl... I am ok with that.

SORRY MOM!

gearing up for operation "destruction"

2006-09-01T07:48:00.000-04:00

We have finally gotten to figuring out what we are goin gto do with parts of the outside of our house. It has only taken us a year, but we are getting there. Pavers, pavers and more pavers. No more icky hill, no more flooded garage, and no more cracked pavement. The clouds parted, the sun shone, and the birds sang. YEA!!!

The den is also under mass destruction as we speak... the mantle and nearth are gone, the dry wall is cut out, and this weekend we hope to get the gas fireplace removed... to leave a huge gaping hole in the wall - but that is OK. It is forward progress....

Not sure if everything will be good for the 1st Annual Fredneck Bonfire, but if not, oh well - life is to short to not celebrate things with your friends and family. What are we celebrating you may ask....

Operation Clean Woods!!! While it may not look like we have done a lot in our woods - we have done quite a bit. And you always need an excuse for a party, so why not the fact that we have cleared one part out and actually gotten plants in the ground.

how I spent my summer vacation...

2006-08-16T14:16:00.000-04:00

AHHH - nothing like a little vacation to recharge the batteries. 5 days of not having to answer emails, talk on the phone, take care of little things, no conference to worry about, just solitude. Deep breath with me people - I have not had any substantial time off since last October and I am about fried.

Not like a little fried, but fried like the piece of bacon that was left in the pan to long and is a hard, black, burnt piece of charcoal. To the point where coherant sentences were becoming a stretch. Ever been there? Then you know what I am talking about.

I did not go anywhere cool and drink Margaritas by the pool, but I did have fun!!!

Thursday was the first pre-season game for the Ravens. (22 days to kickoff - YAHOO! God I hate baseball!!) Before Jeff and I even got to the game, I had a blonde moment. I forgot how to walk. OUCH!! There is nothing more embarrassing then having perfect strangers offer to pick you up off the ground. (No I was not drinking which made it even worse.)

Down "The Walk" and up to our seats. Here is all I have to say about the Ravens this year, we FINALLY have a quarterback!!!!! A FREAKIN MEN!! McNair was stellar and the offensive line looked REALLY GOOD. Well until Bellyacher - oops sorry Boller came in. It was everything the folks around us could do to not BOO him. In comparison to McNair - he sucks. And that is being nice.

I got to ride the beasties and all was well with the world! AWWW - now it is off to the trenches..

2006-08-08T15:14:00.000-04:00

On a day when I really needed it - it made me laugh....

Darn Dog

you all have thought it....

2006-08-04T15:12:00.000-04:00

You Are 40% Redneck

The wheels still turning, but the hamster's dead.

You're just fakin' bein' a redneck.

How Redneck Are You?

How gross are you???

2006-08-04T15:09:00.000-04:00

You Are 28% Gross

You're a tad gross, but generally you're a clean, hygienic person.

No one can be perfectly clean all the time, and it's better to be human than a neat freak.

How Gross Are You?

Momma - There's a hole in my foot!

2006-08-02T08:19:00.000-04:00

Thanks to the rain and the humidity I have yet another round of thrush to deal with. This time it is REALLY BAD! Thrush is a anaerobic bacertial infection that horses can get in their feet when the conditions are right for it - and so far they have been. Epsom Salt soaks, Keratex flushes, and Iodine plunging have beenhow I have been spending my afternoons lately. And let me tell you - giving a hot soak to four feet in this heat is taking it's toll on man and beast!

So here is the problem I am dealing.

Nice hole huh? Yeah I thought so. So did my farrier, who proceeded to tell me that I better get on top of this and quick! Well, DAHHH!

And so it starts with a 15-20 minute Epsom Salt soak - with each foot. Then you dry the foot and make sure it is clean.

When they are dry - which is never really quickly - it is time for the Keretex. This helps to harden the foot and sole. When that dries it releases antimicrobal agents.

Then the worst part comes... The 7% iodine... NO MOM NOT THE IODINE!!!!

Yes my dear beloved friend the Iodine. NO I AM NOT GOING TO PICK UP MY FOOT! I AM NOT GOING TO IT! Yes you are Reef. NO! NO! NO! OUCH THAT HURT! OK HERE IS MY FOOT...
And so it goes with each foot.

See the Iodine dries things out and kills the bacteria. This is the good part. The bad part is that it stings... A LOT...without any infection. So by the time I am done wrestling Reef's feet off the ground, plunging Iodine in his feet and avoiding getting kicked or struck at Reef is a shaking mess and I am drunched from sweat.

We kiss and make up in the end and everyday the Iodine part is getting easier and easier to deal with. Although my hands look like I had a bad self tanning accident, it is healing.
HAPPY TRAILS TO YOU, UNTIL TOMORROW!

Today is a bad day to die

2006-08-01T15:15:00.000-04:00

Ever have something so happen where you are so close to death and somehow, some way you find a way to save yourself from it. And then you wish you had it on film...

After Herman's magnificent display at the horse trials it was decided that his weakest phase was show jumping. So my trusty stead Herman (whose back it well above my head) and I were schooling some jumps the other day. The gals at the barn all chipped in and painted jumps for the better part of a week. OK I did all that I could on the weekends but at any hoodle.... We have a panel jump (Read unforgiving / unbreakable) with the likeness of Dori and Nemo on it.

I decided that of all the jumps we had this was by far the 'scariest'. As I approach the jump Herman decides he wants to canter, no problem forward is good. He jammed on the breaks and reeled left at the very last second. It is always to the left darn it!

I would say the 90% of my body is now going over the right hand side of my horse. Literally there was an arm and 3/4s of a leg on the left side of the horse. I looked down and my head is over the jump. If I had fallen, my neck was going to hit the jump and probably snap. Best case was that I was going to land on my back and bend it the wrong way. Or Herman was going to real back and jump the fence - in which case I would be under him when he landed. Either way - bad outcome and a short flight in a helicopter.

Some how I got both reins in my right hand and kept pulling left so that the jump scenario was not going to happen. All of my weight was in my right leg and I was pushing that stirrup with all that I had against the centrifugal force. With my free left hand I grabbed his neck and pulled. With in three seconds I was back in the saddle circling to come to the jump again. I got a standing ovation from the peanut gallery and over the fence we went.

Funny thing is I wasn't scared. I went right back to the jump and kept at it until it was second nature. It was just a good save...

The Great Poker Challenge

2006-08-01T15:14:00.000-04:00

Having never played poker before, I had no idea what I was thinking when I decided that I would sit down and play poker with a bunch of people who knew the game inside and out. It was almost like watching Rounders and I was the sucker. I mean I would even have to ask what cards made up what hand. I was to busy trying to figure out what I was holding I did not even get to observe anyone's ticks.

I had a great time though. And everyone was very patient with me! (Thank you guys!)

B, Joel and Sarah of course knew what the cards on the table were and would be betting and re raising on the river card to get the pot a little bigger. Then the flop would come and either someone at the table would be losing their rolls or everyone would fold. You knew that if everyone was checking that no one had any cards. That much I did pick up.

See B - I am learning!! Sort of....

Breaker this is Betty in black, come back

2006-08-01T15:12:00.000-04:00

When zipping along 270 there is almost always radar. East bound radar traps are set right before Clarksburg Road, then again coming up to Father Hurley Blvd. They also run it in random places along 270 through what I guess could be called Beltway Bandit row.

I was late for a meeting and was sprouting wings. It dawned on my that if I had a CB I could try to find out where Kojak with a Kodak might be sitting. I kind of had that Smokey and Bandit thing going on.

Needless to say - No Bears were lurking and arrived at the meeting with about 15 minutes to spare. :-)

Where's Bob? (the Unhitch story)

2006-08-01T15:11:00.000-04:00

In case you have not noticed - I have horses. I have been around horses since I was 5. Actually before then, because when I was 2 and a half my mother would get calls from the neighbors saying that I was in the middle of their horse field surrounded by horses. They would always politely ask my mother to come and get me. That was when my mother put bells on my shoes so she could hear where I was.

I have been around the horses and horsepeople for some time. I have worked for good people and bad people. Boarded at good places and at rat holes. I am perfectly happy where I am now. I love the barn I am in, the folks I ride with (ok so when I ride), and the care my animals get is absolutely incredible.

So when one of the gals who takes care of my horses said she did not want to see the guy she was dating anymore and had chickened out several times telling the guy to pound sand, I offered my assistance. (See blog entries The witch is dead and what the witch did)

She gladly accepted the offer.

I have to tell you a bit about Bob - he is not battery operated, rocks may have more intelligence, and molasses may run faster, and the guy moves hay for a living. But he can lift heavy things so, he at least has that going for him.

There are a few characters in the story, Liza, Eleanor, Eleanor's boyfriend Ray, my husband Jeff, and Bob.

There was a party at the barn the night of Herman's show and that was where Bob was to be kicked to the curb. Jeff and I arrived late because I had to get a nap when I got home from the show. (no sleep makes me quite bitchy) Apparently there was great anticipation for the nights event. I am not sure but I believe that they were selling tickets on eBay for the event.

Going in the only thing I knew about Bob was that M wanted to part ways and that Bob had a weak hand shake (Thanks for the tip Liza!)

So I meet Bob and got the weakest hand shake in the world and questioned his manliness. We shook hands with the other hand and I fully expected my hand to get squashed like bug. Nope - and he tried to squash it but it was weaker then the first. His homework was to work on a better handshake before he could return to the Porch Bar.

Later on in the evening I asked Bob what his intentions were for our M. You would have thought I was holding a shotgun to his head telling him he was going to marry M. The bottom line with that discussion was that he would be around until M told him to "go f*&% himself." I thought it was a little to easy to tell him that she wanted to part ways right then. Besides he was going on a roll about how New Jersey sucked.

He was sitting next to Ray. Ray lives in New Jersey. Ray and Bob had never met. We informed Bob that he was insulting the person sitting next to him. Somehow it did not register that he was being a dumb ass. He proceeded to launch into a story about how last week his friends had deemed him the "safest drunk driver". HMMM safe drunk driver. Yeah - it did not work for me either. So when life opens a door you walk through...

We all pounced on him like a tiger on a kill. "There is no such thing as a 'safe' drunk driver." "what happens when you kill a mother and her three kids." What happens when you kill one of your friends." "It is official - I am warning M off from you. How dare you jeopardize other peoples lives? Or potentially jeopardize our friends life." And on and on it went for about 20 minutes. Then the guys tries to tell us that this was years ago, and I being me informed him that he said it was last week. He stomps off.

Jeff was telling the story about Authur Ave in New York where you eat dinner at one place, you eat dessert at another place, and if you wanted coffee you went to the next store. Somehow we go onto the subject of Hoffa. How the FBI ripped up that barn and found nothing. Bob chimes in after returning in the middle of the story, that Jimmy Hoffa was a descent and honest man who was looking out for the little guy.

Chaos ensued and Bob was informed that Hoffa used the little guy to line his pockets. That he was not a descent man and I think he was even likened to Enron executives stealing retirement funds from their employees. Or something of that nature. Needless to say Bob, who was still kind of upset about getting lambasted about drunk driving, was now full on angry and stomped off again.

When he returned, Liza and Eleanor were discussing snowbirding in Florida for the winter and riding down there. A comment about enough dirt for black mail was made and I could not resist. "Remember Jose. You remember Jose from the Salsa bar in Miami." (basically insinuating that a drunken stooper along with salsa dancing had been attained in said Salsa bar.) Bob pipes in, "What's a salsa bar?" Jeff, right on time, "You know it is a bar where they server chips and salsa." Well, the Porch bar busted out in laughter. Deciding that Jeff was friend and not foe bob asked Jeff what kind of music he listened to. Without skipping a beat, " I listen to both kinds country and western." Again the Porch Bar busts into laughter and Bob was clueless. (It is from the Blues Brothers.) Bob then asks Jeff if he likes Garth Brooks. "Na I like Tim McGraw." Why is that funny you may ask... Because Jeff is a Metallica, GnR, speed metal, Billy Joel loving kind of guy.

Bob left the party one girlfreind light, somewhat more enlightened then when he came, drunk, and apparently never to be heard from again. I now have a new nickname - Unhitch... go figure

So the question remains - where's Bob?

The Hermanator Dominated - OK so I am proud of him

2006-08-01T15:09:00.000-04:00

Herman had his first outing on July 1 and he was all business. I was a proud momma and was busting at the seems.

His first ride was not until 10:30 so I figured I had some time when I got to the barn at 6:30 am to get Herman's whites white and his browns sparkling. Right when I got to his stall and realized that his white were brown and that his brown was mud, that I was told we were pulling out in an hour.

I have never scrubbed so fast and furious in my life. His body I got pretty good, but after the 4th time washing his tail I was forced to accept that his white tail would have to just be a few shades of yellow. Baby Powder to the rescue I thought.

We get loaded up and begin the journey to the horse trials. I followed Susan darn near the speed of light to the show. Susan had some problems entering the field where we were parking. She almost took the fender off of her new horse trailer. She was a bit upset and understandably so. The funny thing was her horse did not move. He could have cared less.

We got in without any further excitement. I got Herman under his fans, which everyone was pretty impressed with. Having a draft cross, you try to have them conserve as much energy as possible, so if fans help keep them cool when it is hot out - then so be it. I got lots of questions about my portable power supply. Who knew no one had found these things in the Y2K stupidity or for running sump pumps when the power went out!

The long and the short - Herman was sitting 5th after Dressage. Show jumping was kind of scary and Herman had 12 faults for refusals. The crowd oowed and ahhed and I have to admit I watched from between my fingers. In the end he got around and aired everything. Not a rail was dropped or touched but the faults dropped him to 13 place.

Herman was a machine cross country with no faults. He ended 9th out of 25. Sheri did a great job of getting around safely and when all was said and done - there were no scratches, bumps, or bruises. At the end of the day - THE BAR WAS OPEN!

Keeping Clorox in Business

2006-08-01T15:08:00.000-04:00

So everyone is on the same page here, Jeff and I had to put in a new well. It was a very expensive cash proposition, but ya need water right. The county has to come and certify that the well is delivering potable water that is free from debris, has the proper Ph, and is bacteria free. So the first time we bleached the well we put 8 packets of pool shock and nine gallons of bleach down the well head to kill the bacteria. Jeff and I almost died from chlorine gas poisoning. But we didn't so can't cry over milk that wasn't spilt. Then the damn well was hit by a bolt of lightning from the sky and the pump controller has to be replaced.

We finally go someone from the county out to test the water. It passed the turbidity test, it passed the Ph test. Guess what it did not pass - yup you guessed it! Our little microscopic Bacteria friends we still having a field day in our water. Doing the back stroke and belly flops.

There is something gut wrenching when you get a letter from the county stating "your water has been found to be not fit for human consumption." But it is ok for my dogs to drink???? Maybe that is why Tosha has dog breath that can kill!!!

So nine more gallons of Clorox down the well and through the house and we let it sit for 72 hours while we went to New York. And then the declorination began again, without the chlorine gas this time. Amazing how we can learn from mistakes.

The chlorine is out of the well and hopefully, the county will give a clean bill of health this time - otherwise we may need to get one of these.

d-ba-d-ba-d that's all folks

2006-07-14T13:29:00.000-04:00

Ever feel like your life is a Warner Bros. Looney Tunes cartoon. Where the surreal and impossible actually become the reality and the possible. Or maybe that you in fact a Looney Tunes character. Like Daffy Duck, the protesting victim; Maybe Porky Pig with the "I will over come" attitude; Elmer Fudd who is not the sharpest tool in the toolbox; Wiley Coyote who is always getting outsmarted by dumb luck.

Ya feeling me?

Never under estimate the power of a snow shovel

2006-06-27T21:38:00.000-04:00

and a woman who knows how to use it. So the water sagas continue...

Bleaching the well was fun - I hope we never have to do that again. Hot water filled with chlorine wrecks havoc on the nasal passages. But the good part to all of that is that we now know it take approximately 7 hours to drain the well dry and we could get almost all of the dirt that was dug up running the pipe from the well to the house back into the trench. Not more bump in the middle of the lawn!! YEA!

Our new, very expensive, very deep, steel lined well was hit by lightening, which fried the well pump controller. FABULOUS NO WATER. The well company was out the next day to replace the controler - VOILA! WATER BACK! YEA!!!

With all of the much needed rain, I figured it was time to check the foundation and garages to make sure we did not have any water issues. I know, I know - why go looking for trouble. And trouble I did find. Six inches of water in the garage. (explicative! explicative! explicative!) Off to TSC, wal-mart, Ace Harware, and Southern States not a submersible pump to be found. SO I started brushing the water out of the garage - that did not work to well. And then I found the snow shovel...

for 3 hours I used the snow shovel to get the GD F-ing H2O out of the garage.

Which BTW - is still wet! GRRR

Yeah - it is one of THOSE kind of days

2006-06-16T12:40:00.000-04:00

5PM That's a Wrap

Customer: Is Office 2003 the latest version of Office that's out?
Salesperson: Yeah, they most likely won't come out with a new version until Vista is released, which should be about the end of the year.
Customer: What's that?
Salesperson: Vista?
Customer: Yeah, Rista? What is that? Is that the new Office?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the new operating system that's coming out. Last I heard Microsoft was planning to release it near the end of this year.
Customer: Microsoft's going to sell computers now?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the operating system that gets installed on computers. It's what makes your computer run.
Customer: Oh, yeah, I knew that already. Are you going to be carrying Microsoft's new computers?

Willard Building
State College, Pennsylvania

via Overheard in the Office, Jun 13, 2006

Or better yet....

5PM That's a Wrap

Customer #1: Does the Peaks Island Ferry go to Peaks Island?
Ticket agent: Yes.
Customer#1: Does it come back?
Customer #2: No, it's the barge to Hades. It only goes one way.

Casco Bay Lines Ferry Terminal
Portland, Maine

via Overheard in the Office, Jun 9, 2006

What the Witch did...

2006-06-12T09:52:00.000-04:00

Now that I can speak without offending a possible sister-in-law, I can disclose the long and the short of psycho.

Two weeks ago my in-laws came down from NY. And my Brother-in-law brought down a girl he had been dating for a short time. Long enough to know something was off, but not long enough to know how off. I have to say I did not like her from the second I laid eyes on her. She just seemed - well - too comfortable - no that is not it - too much like I owed her something for her presence. That is not it - but something was just wrong. Maybe it was the coke bottle glasses. Not sure.

My mother-in-law had spent 5 hours in the car with her and when she and Scott double timed it to the grocery store and left her with me - I knew it was going to be bad. Within 10 minutes I got the briefcase version of her life. She had spent 7 year in a relationship, of which only 2 were good. But she stayed in it because it was comfortable. She wasn't allowed to go out for her 21st birthday because the guy was younger and forbid her to go. She paid this guys child support and drove to NC to pick the infant up - by herself. She was "trolling" for a man when she met my brother-in-law. And even though they had only known each other for a short time she felt like she had known him all her life and she was so in love with him. (PUKE)

So at this time I think just about every bell, whistle, and red flag were going off.

She then proceeds to tell me she is 30 yrs old, lives at home, pays not rent, doesn't do her own laundry, doesn't make her bed, and her mother wakes her up for work. Translation - "I am a princess. And I expect that from everyone."

And expect it she did. She did not clear her plates, she did not help with dishes, she left dirty dishes all over the house, and generally did not lift a finger to do anything all weekend. It was a chore for her to give me her dirty towels - so I could sanitize them.

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon. We all headed to leesburg for some shopping. We left my brother-in-law to drive Witch and the rest of us drove in another car. All the way down I am watching in the rear view. She is chatting away and my brother-in-law has the sourest look on his face. I knew that this was not good.

So while shopping my mother-in-law turns up at the meeting place with bags gallery. I step up to help her with all of her bags while Witch just watches. She did not raise a finger to help. I decided that that was it. It was on!

We all went to dinner with some of Jeff's and my friends. It was a pitcher night and I kept pouring. OK so this was evil of me, especially because everyone can drink; and Witch is a light weight. After about 3 beers she was in a compromised state. After dinner we all ended up at the bar and a contest was put on the table. Witch decided that she was going to go head to head with A. I did try to tell her it was not a good idea. But while she was downing her Crown Royal with a water back, she decided that it was a good idea to call me a bitch. And when I called her on it she backpedaled. There were a few other exchanges but in the end, let's just say, Witch ended up in the bathroom trying to separate herself from her left lung all the while praying to the porcelain god of flushing and cold surfaces.

Keep in mind that this is all going on in front of my mother-in-law. And my brother-in-law's comment was priceless "If she wants to embarrass herself, more power to her, but it isn't buying her any favors."

In the morning A and I apologized for our intoxication and for anything we may have said that was inappropriate. But not Witch. No apology, no nothing.

So home she went and not a word of thanks to anyone. (*sigh*) oh well - at least she and her stage 20 clingerness is gone!

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!!

2006-06-08T08:46:00.000-04:00

This past weekend my in-laws were in with a new guest. My brother-in-law- brought his girlfriend down. Without going into all of the details, we did not like her. No one liked her. Not Jeff, none of my friends, and special thanks to Angie and Lynn for taking one for the team!! I still owe you sushi.

I took my brother-in-law for a little gaunt Sunday and expressed my "concerns" - ok to me they were huge red flags and alarms were going off after about 3 mintues after I met this girl when she decided to cozy up to me. Foolishly thinking I was a friend. I believe that my last comment in that conversation was that she was a stage 10 clinger and that if we have a vote on who comes into this family - she does not have mine.

Jeff and I received wonderful news last night - he kicked her to the curb!!!

GO SCOTT!! There are plenty of others out there, who are not stage 10 clingers and can make their own bed and are not dependent on the mother to wake them up for work at the age of 30!

Herman's Schooling day!

2006-06-06T19:10:00.000-04:00

farewell friend and may there be horses in heaven

2006-06-05T13:52:00.000-04:00

I learned today that a good friend and a mentor passed away. He took me under his wing and taught me everything I could ever want to know and more about horses. Under his watch I went from a girl who knew how to get around on a horse to a woman who could ride, pony, groom, breeze, jump and muck with the best of them. OK so maybe not the best of them but better then most of them.

It is hard to believe that Mikey is gone. I will remember him for his time, his patience, pushing me when I was unsure, being kind when I goofed, praising the good and working on the bad never with an unkind word. But most of all I will remember him for his sense of humor and his horsemanship.

I had a long stint at Smithwick and watched a lot come and go. Mikey took us all in and taught us all as much as we wanted to learn. Whether it be how to care for a horse with a bowed tendon, a puncture wound through the shoulder, an eye problem, a tongue problem, a bleeder, colic, timber shins, cuts and scrapes, scallops, a heel, a clip, spider bandages, abscesses or how to get a young horse to settle and not shy, over his or her first jump, or bring a horse back from an injury, you left Smithwicks with an education - a real world one.

Some of my best memories are:

"If you don't have leg you don't have a horse. Above all take care of the legs."

The first day I came to Smithwick Stables riding Spice into a herd of horses I had never seen and bring home Bronze Angle and Tingle's Image. Bronze Angle is a big dark bay with a white blaze and thick legs. Tingle's Image is a big chestnut with 4 white socks.

Learning to sit Ginny's trot bareback.

Jumping fences at lunch.

Lessons with Kurt Rosenthal.

Hose fights with Mikey and Speedy.

Mikey making me clean all of the tack and then muck all of the stall at Pop's Bottom barn.

Cleaning racing tack the night before the races.

On the way to Virginia Gold cup and playing musical horses in the van.

Rappahanock, Strawberry Hill, Middleburg, Maryland Hunt Cup, Virginia Gold Cup, Hard Scuffle, Atlantic City, Saratoga.

New saw dust.

Barney, Blue, Spice, Jam, Ginny, Wing, and Petunia.

Jumping lessons with Alex and Rica.

Coffee - black 2 sugars

Mikey teaching me how to:
make a notecard sound like grain.

teach a young horse how to eat a carrot.

pack hooves for thrush.

Mikey making me ride Cracker Jack, after Dyson's victory party, in the snow.

How to get Reef across water.

Jumping lessons with Mikey.

Jumping Jam backwards in the shedrow. Well - jumping everything in the shed row.

Mikey asking me very nicely to unload a truck of 150 lbs bale of alfalfa."I'll give you $100 so you can go have your nails done again."

Hup-ho, Alex!

Riding the horses by the bedroom window when Mikey was laid up so he could see them.

Jumping in and out of fields, bathtubs, oil tanks, and hurdles.

Lounge line lessons, Bareback lessons, Whip cracking lessons.

Being the loungeline holder for the cooler jump.

The young horses.

Trail through the woods by the road.

Foxhunting in the big field.

Uncle Uno, Oficio, Sort of a Devil, Skunk, Gibson Island, Insatiable, King, Sweet Air, Fight Talk, Meet the Best, Reckner, Total Result, JP emperor, Wide Turn, Old Soul, Warren Place, Rougemont, Navy Pilot, Thurston Hill, Kilkenny, Crisco, Skylark, Rock Eagle, Waldo, Mucho Carino, Catalina, Be Nimble, Devil's Bag, Gone West, West By Northwest, Norquestor, Boomtown Bob, Bix, Tingle's Image, Bronze Angle, Tigors and hundreds more whose names I have forgotten, but by God I remember their legs!

King pulling the drag through the snow.

Mikey and Kirsten teaching me to drive King to pull the drag through the snow.

Teaching me how to tub a horse which turned into teaching a horse how to tub.

"Run up there and see if they hayed that field. No not on the road - over the fences."

Doing feed lists.

Spreading hay in the big field.

3:30am wakeup calls to beat the heat.

Stories about the old days of hunting, and steeplechasing.

Sending Mikey on a formal hunt with a Bugs Bunny saddlepad.

Riding Jam and Spice through Mikey's house.

Sleeping in the basement.

Exam week.

Mikey talking me out of buying a horse.

Mikey talking me into buying a horse. - Funny how that worked.

Mikey being the serpentine leader in the shedrow in the winter "If you are paying attention you can learn more riding in the shedrow then you can in the field."

There are a million more fond memories. So to my friend I bid farewell, thank you for taking the time to teach me, and may there be horses in heaven. Mikey - you will be missed and the world is worse off without you.

I have a Golden Horse shoe!!!!

2006-06-02T08:13:00.000-04:00

When I woke up this morning before the dreaded alarm, and I did not get torpedeoed by my dog, and I got to take a shower and got out the door with very little issues (unlike yesterday) I knew it was going to be a good day!

I was able to get some time off next tuesday to take Herman to go school cross country. He will be competeing on July 1st if I can get him in.

The yellow lab did not snore last night and wake me up - and neither did Husband come to think of it.

Yuppers good day.

So I am tootling to work with my rather heavy lead foot. I was in my own little zone not really noticing that I was blowing by tractor trailers like they were standing still. You know, in my head singing a tune; not paying attention to a darn thing other then the open lane in front of me. And then I see him, a white Frederick Country police car hiding behind the bridge that they are ALWAYS hiding behind.

He saw me before I saw him. I checked my speed - darn near 3 digits. I just thought, " He's got me. I minds wells pull over and not make him chase me."

So I pull over and here he comes - no lights on. I am waiting on the shoulder for him, getting out my registration, my drivers license, proof of insurance. You know, everything they always ask for. I see him in my rear view getting in to the slow lane, but he is not slowing down. Then he blows by me.

I mean blew by me on the side of the road. Rocked the car and everything. It took a few seconds for it to register - I was doing darn near close to 100 MPH, He got me - I know he got me - and he just left me on the side of I-70 with my drivers license, registration, and proof of insurance.

HOT DOG! WHEW HOO! It is going to be a good day!!

Sheet stain (vulgarity coming forth)

2006-06-01T13:16:00.000-04:00

OK so I had a bad day yesterday - a really bad day. A friend was walked out, which cause general upheaval and a lot of kaos. It was pretty bad and the only thing I wanted to do was get my digits polished and prettied.

Before I continue I feel compeled to let you know that I like my friends kids, and for the most part there isn't really anything I would not do for my friends kids. Some of them are extremely artistic, where other would much rather throw mudpies (remember mudpies!?!). Some are extremely bright and other have to work for everything they get. But none of them, and I mean none of them, would do what these kids were doing.

I personally will not be having children. Maybe because my mother wished a child on my that was 4 times worse then I was, or maybe because I think they are little germ factories, or maybe because I am selfish and want my toys. Bottomline - no kids for me.

So at 4:07 yesterday I am behind one of Frederick County's fine yellow cheese wagons, which means there were elementry students on board. And the group of kids in the back are doing what a lot of young kids do - get the attention of a driver in a car.

They weren't doing the honk your horn motion, they were making lude gestures and mouthing "Suck my dick". They were giving my the finger and yelling something that was inaudible.

There is the bus driver flashing the lights telling the kids to sit down. So I spung my finger around and mouthed "turn around and sit down". And they did - I was kind of impressed. Then they all jump back up and started scream "Go fuck yourself".

I started getting mad. I mean really mad. And I know that if I did anything remotely like that in elementary school my butt was going to be black and blue because my mother whould have beaten my butt with a wooden spoon. So being in a bad mood and hating the world I got to thinking. These little shits are going to grow up and produce bigger shits when they really should have been the stains on their partents sheets to begin with. Or maybe they should have run down the crack of their mothers ass.

Why is this even a MSNBC poll?

2006-05-19T08:20:00.000-04:00

IT"S FRIDAY!!!

2006-05-19T07:36:00.000-04:00

I can not wait for the week to be over. I feel like Dorthy in the Wizard of Oz clicking her heals "There's no day like Friday! There's no day like Friday! There's no day like Friday!"

Tomorrow is the Preakness and I am way excited about that because we got our old seats back!! Which means no sunburn and I can drink this year! (BTW - if anyone wants any bets placed they have to get $$ to me tonight with their bet.)

Friends are coming in from NY for the race so it will be a full house and a good time hopefully will be had by all.

Here is something that should make everyone laugh...

My client is running a training for their folks and the facility mgmt company apparently also sets up for Bush's speeches and press conferences. I had asked if we could get the AC turned down in the room because it was really hot and we wanted to keep people awake to get through the class. The gal that I was working with told me that they had to do that for Bush's speeches so people wouldn't fall asleep.

HE HE HE SNARF!

Ok here is another one....

Try to read this. I'm sure you can....very interesting.

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55% plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd
waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan
mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the
ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is
taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can
sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the
huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but
the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas
tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs
forwrad it.

And another one (moldie but goodie)....

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm hom! e. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmm! mmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is big ger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live ! a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

OK LAST ONE....

Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship:

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Some one stole the packaging idea...

2006-05-16T15:29:00.000-04:00

For those of you who were at the "now that's a fawr" bonfire and spent 5 hours discussing a business plan... the packaging has been stolen!!! Our product is being sold by one salon in San Fernando Valley and is getting it's biggest sales in Texas. (wait for it) Because everything is bigger and now brighter in Texas.

And to boot - it can be ordered over the phone and drop shipped. SO... they are making money on the services rendered prior to treatment; as the product itself is only $75.00. The kit contains the product tub and a paint brush.

So they do not have the flavors or scents yet - we could expand the idea....

For Brian and Lynn

2006-05-12T14:22:00.000-04:00

For you Jeffro....

2006-05-12T14:20:00.000-04:00

The tale of Morgan Ridge Part II

2006-05-09T17:18:00.000-04:00

Honebee - I can not live in envy of your long hot showers for Jeff and I finally have water of our own! All 835 gallons of it to ourselves! It may have taken three more days home from work, 3 pumps, 2 controllers, and a couple of days to clear the well but there is water! And it is coming in to the house!!!

All hail the water!!!

Now That's A Fire!!

2006-05-09T17:10:00.000-04:00

It was a good weekend! Jeff and I got to burn stuff with our friends. We all shared Fire Marshall duties and no one got hurt. Although I was warned that my hair might go up like Micheal Jackson's.

Sunday was a great do nothing day - I had forgotten what they were like!!

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

It is almost hump day, Honeybee!

She wore WHAT?!

2006-05-01T13:45:00.000-04:00

I went to a wedding this weekend. Having known the bride for about a year, and knowing that she is particular, I was not expecting the wedding corodinator to turn out in a jean jacket, mini skirt, and flip flops.

OK so let's start at the beginning....

We show up at the church and walk into what we think is the front door, but actually turns out to be the baasement. We wandered around for a few minutes tryng to find the chapel. We finally found it - but wouldn't it have been nice of the coordinator to have directed us or made signs telling guests where to go? But that was only the beginning of the wedding coordinator from hell stories.

As the cermony was commencing the mothers of the bride and groom light a family candle, which I thought was very nice. The bride and groom looked beautiful and happy, the brides maids were all done up with updos and everyone was truely looked their best and the church was beautiful. Then in the middle of the ceremony the wedding coordinator runs up on the stage and blows the candles out. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CEREMONY!!! I would have broken someones arm if they ran into the middle of my wedding ceremony. Not to mention she sat in the back of the church and was whispering the whole time, which of course echoed everywhere. I had to glare at her.

Once at the reception place, we found a table for all of the cohorts to gather and found our table apple, we realized that the wedding coordinator is now walking around in a tank top. So - tank top mini shirt and flip flops. It was not particuarly warm outside - she was not running around making sure that hors were getting out of the kitchen, that the bridal party had their drinks or anything to eat, she was sacheing around the reception place like look at me.

About the same time that several of us made a decision that wedding coordinater should not be paid and that if our friend paid anything for her - they were being ripped off, we notice that she has left her notes about the wedding sitting on one of the table along with the itinerary of the wedding. No quite the smartest thing to do - let the cat out of the bag that the wedding guests will be sitting in a holding room for 2 hours.

I could go on and on about the wedding coordinator - but in the end it is about the bottom line.

It was later confirmed by the bride that the wedding coordinator, the facility manager, and the catering company were being wonderful to the bride - and in the end that was the bottom line. My friend had a beautiful day to start her new life.

She was a vision of beauty, he was very handsome, and I hope that they live happily ever after.

The wedding coordinater should have been drug out back. My friend should have her money returned.

St. Peter at the Pearly Gates

2006-04-21T13:56:00.000-04:00

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are
all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on
earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Nelson Mandela's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie."
Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that He told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office.
He's using it as a ceiling fan

The tale of Morgan Ridge...

2006-04-18T16:18:00.000-04:00

There once was a newly married couple who bought a house right after they were married. Not long after settlement a call needed to be placed for dirty hot water. The hot water tank was drained, cleaned, and refilled. There was much rejoicing!

Then it rained in the kitchen and call needed to be placed for repair. The repair was made and the tub was useable. There was a happy wife!

Along the way the circut breakers started to trip when heat was of much nessecity. Several calls were made and several repairmen came and went - with limited heat the wife was bent. Husband made the calls, jumped up and down, yelled at those who would not listen to reason. Finally the proper people addressed the issue and the rest of the winter was nice and toasty. The husband was very happy becasue all of the sudden he got blankets.

Huband was awoken at 5:00am sometime in February by his wife due to lack of water. No shower for wife, husband away, a phone call was placed to the repairman. While waiting for repair man to call, the wife changes the sediment filter, and what a surprise - it was clogged with dirt and slime.

With the water filter changed the water flowed, but not quite as nicely as it did before. It was ok until the water stopped flowing and the wife's temper was growing. Several times a day the filter was changed, all with the same response. With growing concern, husband called to have the well inspected.

The good news is that the well could limp us a long until a new well could be drilled. The well was collapsing and nothing could be done, go to the county and get the permit, and we will pick a spot and get this work done.

The trucks rolled in and set up shop, promising they had picked the right spot. The neighbors all gathered wonder what was going on. All the noise had drawn quite a crowd and come to find out - everyone's well had collapsed at one time or another.

600 feet and still no water. Husband had watched the work from top of his new tractor (which he broke in the first 24 hurs of ownership and wife had to fix), wife was sick and asked for reports. Husband and wife were told water was there and hydrofracturing is the answer. 8000PSI presure washer in to the 600 foot hole and sure enough the water was there!

But the story will continue as this saga is not quite done...

Goings on in the news...

2006-04-11T09:02:00.000-04:00

If you were not born here or are not a citizen - get deported.

If you enjoy 14 year old kids sexually - get help you are a very sick person.

If you think that FEMA is at fault for Katrina victims - get a clue. People from NO have been livng on the dole and want to stay on the dole - the only way they get to do that is to make it look like the governemnt is not doing anything for them.

Been on the lam for 52 years and got caught - get a new pair of sneakers.

Your rating is at an all time low - get impeached.

Being held without bail by USICE - you gotta ask yourself - were the cars worth it?

You were accidentally shot years ago - pay it forward????

Won a Muzzle award - get the constitution and learn, live, love the first amendment.

bein' a bumpkin...

2006-03-29T14:27:00.000-05:00

The best part of being a bumpkin is that you can go work in the yard and no one bothers you. Your neighbors do not feel the need to come out and chit chat, people do not look out the window with their hand on the phone ready to call the home owners association, the neighbor's kids do not try to run you of with their new fandangled toys. Just you, the great outdoors, and peace and quiet.

Until you come to the realization that the people before you had no idea about yard work and you are waging war on a pricker bush with family. And as you are ripping it out of the ground all of it's children have decided to rise up against you. Yes it is true where the is one pricker bush, there are many little pricker bushes waiting to scratch you and make you bleed. They were holdin on for dear life too. They had worked their way up into the siding of the garage, behind a shed, and were starting down the driveway.

It may have taken me two hours, I may have lost blood, and I may have dug up a good part of the lawn but darn it all those pricker bushes are ripped out. And just to be sure - I am getting Round Up!

yee haw...

2006-03-26T15:46:00.000-05:00

Any redneck would be very jealous of my fun filled weekend. It consisted of tractor rides, tractor attachment education, tractor purchase, ripping out trees with a tow strap and truck, creating a brush pile in plain viewing site, having the fire department show up to my neighbors house because we were burning said brush pile, four wheeling through the front yard, cutting down stuff, digging in the dirt, a trip to TSC (Tractor Supply Company - for ya citified folks), and 84 Lumber. The merits of shooting squirrels with bee bee guns was also discussed.

Oh yes and we went to a dinner at the local fire hall and watched people county line dance....

There were two songs that played through my head this weekend.... Redneck Woman and Dueling Banjos... what does the mean?

Ok let the redneck jokes start...

Don't go back to Rockville....

2006-03-20T14:16:00.000-05:00

Maybe I have been country-fied, maybe I have gotten long in the tooth and have no patience for stupid drivers. Or maybe it was the fourth time that I got cut off by some moroff drinking their *$ quad venti latte, yaking on their cell phone, yelling at their kids in the back seat, while putting on makeup and driving a minivan in Rockville. (I saw a great bumper sticker the other day. It said, "Minivans are proof that there is evil in the world." I happen to agree.)

In any case - I am not going back to Rockville.

Death by Cheney...

2006-03-16T15:47:00.000-05:00

I found this on this blog (http://jokesandfunnypictures.blogspot.com). Check it out for some other funny and amusing pics!

GEE - I really miss curling!

2006-03-14T14:05:00.000-05:00

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/games/puppycurling.html

New addition to the family....

2006-03-08T08:55:00.000-05:00

Jeff and I have a new addition to the family!! No - there is not child in our future (All together now deep breath!) - well at least with 2 legs. Jeff and I have brought Hunter, a 6 year olf yellow lab into the fold. He is adjusting to Tosha and seems to be pretty happy. He has gotten over the crying and the barking. Tosha is happy to have a friend again Will be posting a picture soon!

Just call me Pepe

2006-02-24T15:09:00.000-05:00

So today is my Rolling Rock birthday - the big 33. I woke up on the right side of the bed, the coffee maker did it's job and my coffe was ready. It was a good morning and all was going well.

I had a meeting downtown and jumped on the Metro. I had to stand the whole ride because the train was packed like the sardine express. My train was delayed because of a disabled train ahead of us and it was right about that time that I noticed people were actively moving away from me. Then two guys who were speaking in english started talking a different language and glancing at me as they exited the train. I thought it was weird but it was also a stop where a lot of people get off.

Then it hit me - that oh so wonderful smell of skunk. I could have died - no wonder all these people were moving away from me - I smelled like a skunk. How could I have missed that one! But I was not totally sure that I smelled like a skunk so I just stood there kind of smelling my coat as inconspicuaously as posible. I was certain that I smelled like skunk.

When I arrived at my clients site I asked them if they could smell skunk - and of course they could. How mortifing! I will forever be known as the girl on the metro the smelled like a skunk!

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

2006-02-21T08:09:00.000-05:00

1 quart of Hydrogen Peroxide
1/4 cup Baking Soda
1 tablespoon liquid dish detergent.
Apply and let sit for 5 minutes.
Repeat.

Special Note: Possible that black dogs will turn brown.

The de-skunking has begun; gag reflex in check, 26 degrees outside, wind blowing at approximately 15 MPH, one bucket of deskunk solution, three buckets hot water - oh yeah - I am awake now!!

Tosha! Tosha! No Tosha

2006-02-17T22:11:00.000-05:00

If you know my dog Tosha you know that she is big, hyper, and DUMB. In the 8 years she has been with me she has never had a health problem, cleared many a coffee table, earned the name destructo dog, and has never caught an animal...

So here we are, it is Friday night, the beginning of a three day weekend (Everyone together now - ahh a three day weekend.) and I am on my deck with the dog. All of the sudden she is off like a shot, flying across the yard. The dog is fast, but I have never seen her move like that. She is after something!!

At fist I thought it was a fox - and I have a special place in my heart for foxes. So there I am on the deck screaming Tosha! Tosha! No Tosha! And the little dark figure runs to the step of the deck and all I saw was a white stripe... OH SHIT!!! to late.

The smell of a skunk is absolutely the worst thing I have ever smelled. You know the wiff you might get when a skunk has become roadkill - yeah that does not even begin to compare. NOT EVEN CLOSE> It is the most acidic, caustic, burning smell in the world and Tosha took a direct hit. Her eyes were tearing and I swear there was blood in her mouth and the smell. She was having a hard time breathing. So as I am on the phone with the vet I realize that I too smell like skunk. Off to the vet Jeff and I go trying to control our gag reflex with skunk dog in the back of my truck.

So long story short - she checked out at the vet - no bites. We all smell like a skunk, my truck smells like skunk, and tomorrow we get to try and get de-skunked.

The snow is melting....

2006-02-16T09:08:00.000-05:00

Everywhere else except Mt. Garagemore. We still have a lot of snow and it does not seem to be melting as fast as it is other places. We may still be able to go sledding this weekend - unless the rain really does come.

Twiggy (remember Twiggy the pest squirrel) has been spotted with all of the snow. OK so it was his footprints that I spotted in the snow. He has been back to eat the bird food. And Bambi has been back at the bird feeders too. I am not sure I want to encourage this... something about Bambi, ticks and 15 feet from my back door just is not working for me.

Nothing humorous to report I am affraid... I hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day!!

The Slopes at Mt. Garagemore

2006-02-12T16:39:00.000-05:00

Conditions:
21" of powder
2 runs open and adding more: 1 with jump
Tubes are getting the best runs through the powder.
Disks are flying on the pack.

Driveway is clear!

Vote for your favorite Super Bowl Ad

2006-02-06T08:45:00.000-05:00

http://sports.aol.com/nfl/superbowlads

It is all about the expectations...

2006-01-24T09:54:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend I finally spent time with my horses and barn friends. It was really good to get outside and ride after not seeing my boys for quite some time. Herman was a star and Reef just wanted more treats! But I also got to ride one of my friends horses. She was having problems getting her horse to walk over a ground rail (read pole laying on the ground). Her horse wanted to jump it like it was a 3 foot oxer with water (ever see a gazelle jump?)

So I was rode her horse though it, figured out the problem, and passed on the knowledge. She had to really exagerate the half halt on the outside rein to get her horse to listen to her. She was happy the horse was happy it was a great thing.

So then she asked why the half halt was important. And I did a lousy job of explaining dressage ('cause it is more fun to watch paint dry then to train dressage.) and the role of the half halt. Basically it goes like this... your body and your legs are telling the horse go forward and your hands are telling the horse to slow down and become more round. Yeah very contradictory.

So knowing that I had done a lousy job of explaining this to a person who was really trying to get it, I found John Paul. John Paul is a dressage trainer. And an amazing one at that. He has trained all over the world had has first class way of teaching. So I asked him to explain the half halt.

Kathy and I got a lot out of the conversation. We walked away with something much more important then the half halt. It pertains to expectations and keeping an open mind. It is more a life lesson then a riding lesson.

Jean Paul feels that by approaching life without expectations and by being open to anything that you are generally a much more happy person. Since you have no expectations of a situation you are generally pleased with the outcome because you were open to it. He used riding as his example.

When you ask a horse to go forward you expect that he will go forward. Sometimes the horse does and we are happy because the expectation has been met. When the horse does not go forward we get frustrated and generally close ourselves to other possibilities. We kick the horse harder which can or can not yeild results.

so in searching for my new years resolution - I think I have found it - to rid myself of silly expectations - becasue what is going to happen will happen; and to be open to new ideas - because that is really the only way the we learn anything right - by being open to experimentation.

OK _ So I am going to give it a try....

it is raining in the kitchen part 2

2006-01-24T09:52:00.000-05:00

We figured out what was wrong with the bathtub and it is no longer raining in the kitchen. By far this was the most inexpensive water problem I have had. Who would have thought that the putty that holds the drain in place would have gone bad!

Whew! that was an easy one!

It is raining in the kitchen...

2006-01-13T16:00:00.000-05:00

For those of you who do not know me - I have this thing with water. Or maybe better put - water has a thing for me. It LOVES me and while I like it I do not LOVE it. Mostly because water causes me nothing but problems.

When I had my townhouse in Reisterstown I came home from settlement and there was 2 inches of water on my laundry room floor in my basement. I had done my final walk through 2 hours before. You may ask how I got that much water in my laundry room floor in 2 hours - it was the humidifier that had sprung a leak. Lovely. My nice new house had sprung a leak and I did not buy one of those Home Warranty because I thought they were bunk. $350.00 later new humidifier no more water.

Then a few weeks later I was using the utility sink in the same laundry room and the bottom of the sink, the part where the drain pipe hooks into the sink, breaks. Water all over the laundry room floor. And not just dirty water - I was cleaning paint brushes. Dark green paint brushes. So I had a plumber come out and he told me that the whole setup in the room was a "home owner special". Meaning that the previous owner had done all the plumbing in the room himself. I smiled and said - ok what is this going to cost me? $500.00. Fabulous!

So I went a few years water free and then we had one heck of a rain storm. Shingles were blowing off houses, trees were coming out of the ground, basements were getting flooded. It was BAD. My basement did not flood, the laundry room did not spring a leak, but I lost some flashing on my roof. You guessed it - the roof sprung a leak. Well not really a leak, more of a small river ran into my house. You would have thought that it would have found a way to show itself in the bedroom directly under where the small river had entered my house, but no, it showed itself in my living room, from the top of my bay window an pooled until the dry wall fell onto the carpet. Along with that came the water that has pooled. $9000 plus a new roof. Thank god for insurance.

I came home one day - I had had a great day - I do not remember why, but I remember being in a really great mood. I was sitting on the couch checking my voicemail and I started hearing this drip, drip, drip. I spotted on the carpet where the drip was landing and I looked at my ceiling that was bowing. No sooner did I get the furniture out of the way and get on a ladder to punch a hole in the dry wall to let the water out did the dry wall fall on me. Like I said water LOVES me. The bathroom upstairs had sprung a leak in the supply line. I never used this bathroom so who knows how long it had been leaking. I had to basically replace the floor in the bathroom, replace the vanity in the bathroom, replace the subfloor in the bathroom, replace the ceiling in the living room, replace the carpet in the living room, and clean up the laundry room. So the water damage bill come to about $12000. Again - thank god for insurance; which coincidentally dropped me after this claim.

Somewhere in here I had a sump pump burn up during a rainstorm that I swear lasted 3 weeks and flooded my sump pump room a little bit, a water heater in the laundry room spring a leak and had to be replaced on emergency, I had the supply lines to my washer not be screwed tight enough and have leaks, and my last but not last townhouse water story was when the basement flooded because we had a very wet spring and it rained everyday for a month. Oh and did I mention that the builder forgot or missed drilling weep holes in the cinderblock so that the water could go into the drain tiles...I may have missed that part.

I had been away and I came home with my then boyfriend (now husband) and his mother as we had gone to the airport to pick her up. We walked in the door and there was this stench. It was like nothing I had ever smelled before. It smelled like mold combined with dirty gym socks, and vinegar. It was horrible. I was embarrassed because this was the first time that Jeff's mom had ever been to my house and I had been away for two weeks on business. So I am walking around my house smelling and sniffing the air like a dog. I go to the basement to find that my front room and the sump pump room are wet - like really wet - maybe a half inch of water. So I know the drill - rip up the carpet and get the fans going. Realizing that I was not covered for FLOOD damage only WATER damage I could not call the insurance company. So I called some basement waterproofing people and they came in with drills dug up part of my basement laid new drain tiles, put in a new sump pump, ran some liner against the wall, and presto no more water in the basement. $2700.

But none of that, other then to relay history, is about what happened when it rained in my kitchen...

It was Sunday and I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. There was laundry to do, and housework to do and I really did not feel like doing it. The weather was yuckie. It was one of those weekend days where you just want to stay in bed, but you don't because some sick screwy sense of duty to housework calls. So I got up and did my chores and made breakfast. I did not feel so cha cha so I went to take a bath. We have a spa bath that I love. I am a bubble bath person - I can identify with the Calgon commercials. A bubble bath cures everything. So I drew my bath and put my bubbles in and started the spa going. I had just gotten to the point where the muscles were relaxing and my outlook on the day was getting better. I really could have drifted right off to sleep... But Jeff throws open the bathroom door. "IT IS RAINING IN THE KITCHEN!!!! YOU ARE LEAKING!!" grabs every towel in the closet, turns off the spa jets, and runs back downstairs.

So I get myself together and go downstairs to survey the damage. Jeff is freaking out like some alien has landed. Towels everywhere mopping up water. I yawned - this was a walk in the park for me. Yup water is coming in to the kitchen, yup it is pooling in the dry wall, yup we are going to have to cut it open to let the water drain out, yup we got to call a plumber. Is it covered under the Home Warranty we bought with the house - yup.

Yeah - water LOVES me.

They Moved Your Cheese

2006-01-12T09:36:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are looking for jobs, will be looking for jobs, or for those of you who want to be more politically astute.

Breakdown of the corporate structure...

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD:

Leaps tall building in a single bound

Is more powerful than a locomotive

Is faster than a speeding bullet

Walks on water

Discusses policy with God

PRESIDENT:

Leaps short buildings in a single bound

Is more powerful than a switch engine

Is just as fast as a speeding bullet

Walks on water if the sea is calm

Talks with God

EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT:

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.

Is almost as powerful as a switch engine

Is faster than a speeding BB.

Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool

Talks with God if special request is approved

VICE PRESIDENT:

Barely clears a Quonset hut

Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive

Can fire a speeding bullet

Swims well

Is occasionally addressed by God

GENERAL MANAGER:

Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings

Is run over by locomotive

Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury

Dog paddles

Talks to animals

MANAGER:

Runs into buildings

recognizes locomotive two out of three times

Is not issued ammunition

Can't stay afloat with a life preserver

Talks to walls

TRAINEE:

Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building

Says "look at the choo-choo"

Wets him/herself with a water pistol

Plays in mud puddles

Mumbles to him/herself

SECRETARY:

Lifts buildings and walks under them

Kicks locomotives off the tracks

Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth

Freezes water with a single glance

Is God

Worst Christmas present contest...

2006-01-04T13:38:00.000-05:00

The holidays that have come and gone and along with the holidays there is usually a present or two that you have opened and thought to yourself - "what happened to the gift certificate from that cool new store that I asked for"; Or "Wow - that does not look anything like the Ipod Nano!"

So here is the contest - what are the worst presents you have ever received? They can be things like the list below.
1. You do not give a biker guy pastel colored cashmere Polo shirts
2. Hats with flash lights mounted inside of them - they hurt your head and rip your hair out.
3. You do not give a biker guy a Santa Chef doll. Bikers do not play with dolls - even if they are chefs.
4. Crew neck shirts that feel like sand paper

A winner will be picked Wednesday of next week...

To help you get through the holidays....

2005-12-21T13:49:00.000-05:00

http://www.jibjab.com/Movies/ClickThrough.aspx?contentid=27

We will call one Rudolph and the other Twiggy!

2005-12-14T17:59:00.000-05:00

Growing up my grandfather always fed the birds at his house and he would do battle with the squirrels every winter. He got electrified bird feeders, he got barbed bird feeders, he got ones that looked like space ships and one that looked like something no bird on earth would go near. He would bring them home with the look determination in his eye, elated because this bird feeder had a "no squirrels" warranty. There would be no squirrels that winter! Off he would go and hang his bird feeder. He would wait for the squirrels and laugh when they would fall off of his bird feeders. It really was an obsession for him. Ever seen Caddyshack? Yeah - you got the picture...

In the end all of these bird feeders only succeeding in making smarter squirrels and my grandfather finally admitted defeat and said that the squirrels gotta eat too.

We inherited quite a collection of bird feeders with the new house. Most of them look like houses and hang but one is the silver dome kind that is supposed to keep the squirrels out. Over the weekend Jeff bought bird food, I filled all of the feeders Sunday night, and we waited.

The first animal on the scene in the morning I found to be somewhat shocking. There in my back yard, 20 feet from my back door stood Rudolph and about 4 of his reindeer friends. Rudolph was rubbing the silver dome bird feeder up and down shaking out all of the bird seed. To my surprise he and his 4 reindeer friends began to eat all of the bird food off of the ground. Deer 1, bird feeder 0.

All of the birds started to show up - we had a woodpecker, both male and female Red Cardinals, male and female Blue Jays, quite a few Dove, and some other birds that I have yet to identify.

I have been sick for the past few days so between naps and being woken up by my Blackberry I have taken to watching the birds. Rudolph has not been seen since Monday morning, but all of the usually suspects have been munching...

This afternoon I got the first laugh I have had in days...

And we will call him Twiggy!

tosha the sledding dog...

2005-12-14T16:56:00.000-05:00

All day Friday the only thing I wanted to do was go home and go sledding - I mean what good is a hill if you can not go sledding! So after work and triumphantly got up my driveway, I pulled out the brand new super slick fast as all get out sled that my mom got me (THANKS MOM!). I put the leash on it, got the dog, and set out flying down the hill!

I have found out something very interesting about my hill in front of my house - no matter how you set out - you are going to go into a clump of trees.

So there I am going 20 miles an hour heading for the trees - well what do you do - hit the trees or bail? I bailed ass over tin kettle and the wind caught my sled and off it went.

My dog, being the ultimate Labrador retriever goes off to rescue my sled. She jumped on it with all fours, and off she went at the speed of sound! She did something that I could not do, and that was slow down. I am not sure how she did it but she actually managed to stop the sled and even more surprising waited for me to come and get it. It was just one of those moments where you say to yourself - "Damn I wish I had a camera!"

Off to the top of the hill we went, picking a different spot on the hill and this time behind the house. I jumped on my super slick fast as all get out sled and start down the hill, Tosha in tow. This time I figured out how to steer the darn sled and we had a good run until we made the turn in front of the house and into the trees we went. Tosha looked at me as if to say - "momma - you are nuts! I am going to eat snow."

I climbed the hill again and decided that I was to tired to make another run and I had better get to shovelling the walk way.

Low and behold here comes a neighbor... and he wants to plow my driveway! PERFECT!

He plowed I shoveled and went for one more run on my super slick fast as all get out sled... down the hill I went avoiding all trees, well almost all trees. I was going a little to fast so I stuck my foot out and did a 180. So I am flying down the hill backwards with absolutely no way to stop. Backwards I go into the woods.

So the neighbor now thinks I am crazy, but was more then happy to cut a deal with me to plow my driveway for the rest of the winter and I got to break in my super slick fast as all get out sled that my mom bought me (THANKS MOM)!

Third time is a charm...

2005-12-12T18:48:00.000-05:00

We finally have internet access... it only took three visits but we have it! And it flies...

Adelphia no longer sucks. The first time they were supposed to come out they were a no show. The second time the guy was entirely interested in getting home. FINALLY we got someone who fixed everything and got us up an running.

Point of interest - it is illegal for Direct TV to splice cable lines. Cable companies are supposed to disconnect Direct TV when this happens. Lucky for Jeff and I we got a really cool guy who hooked us up - only because the only lines the Direct TV did not hijack was the one for the cable modem!

Note to self - next time we buy a house we will investigate this...

STOP THE INSANITY

2005-12-09T10:42:00.000-05:00

Goodbye, Moon

What is next? Are they going to digitally alter the US Constitution from saying "We the people" to "We the religious right, over protective, over bearing, right infringing, censoring, offended people"

I do not understand and cannot begin to understand where we went wrong as a country in terms of political correctness. We can not call Christmas Christmas anymore. OOPS - I did it again I sad the dirty "C" word and have probably offended my non-Christmas friends. I celebrate Christmas, maybe you celebrate Chanukah (which, in case you were wondering - is not a dirty "C" word) or something else that I have never even heard of. But that is what makes this country so diverse. Instead of celebrating that and opening our hearts and minds to different ideas we have chosen to go down the road of political correctness. BAH HUMBUG!

A person is not handicapped any more - they are disabled or physically challenged. Someone with a handicap sure is challenged - they have to work more then twice as hard to make it in today's world. To make decent wages, to earn the respect of their peers, to just survive in a society that truly believes that every woman should be 6 feet tall, weight 100 pounds, and be beautiful.

A person is not blind anymore - they are vision impaired. But here is something refreshing - blind people do not want to be called "visually impaired" - they want to be called blind. Or at least that is what the National Federation for the Blind is saying. They are offended by the term "person with a vision impairment". GOOD FOR THEM.

Apparently - we can not have brainstorms anymore - it might offend people with epilepsy.

Children do not fail any more - they get do overs. Children do not lose games anymore because we do not keep score. God forbid that little Johnny learns what losing feels like and learns how to be more competitive. I guess the lesson we are supposed to take away from this is that it is politically incorrect to fail? Even if we really do fail.

Losing and failure are two things that teach people what they are made of and are fundamental to life. We all lose things and people. Whether it be a game, a favorite piece of jewelry, a friend, a family member, a job, a house, your car keys - we all lose something. We all fail at something too. It could be we fail to meet other people's expectations, we fail to get home before curfew, we fail to follow rules. But instead of raising children to know these things and all of the feelings that go along with them, we let political correctness prevail. Johnny enters college or the work force and since little Johnny's mother has been saying, "My Johnny would never cheat on a test," or "My Johnny would never hit anyone," or "My Sally would never bring drugs to school," or my personal favorite, "It must be the teacher does not like little Sara or Johnny and that is why he / she is not passing the class," little Johnny or Sara is failing.

No little Johnny is failing because mommy has stood in the way and not let the Johnny or Sara understand what it feels like to fail. To have that feeling of humiliation; of anguish; of embarrassment. Because you know - it would be politically incorrect.

Hand in hand with being politically correct comes censorship - which our forefathers thought even less of then the Queen's tea. Censorship in the name of political correctness brings things like digitally changing the image in a children's book that has been around since before I was a child. Banning people on the air waves like Howard Stern, who is in my opinion, the King of Politically Incorrect. People are falsely lulled into different perceptions of themselves. (little Johnny)

There is great debate among scholars, government, and coming soon The Supreme Court over political correctness. Mr. Newdow is offended that "In God We Trust" is imprinted on our currency - he is an atheist and does not believe in God. He finds our currency offensive. If he wins, our currency will be changed. Never mind that there are 295,734,133 other people in this nation; this guy is offended.

I just keep getting this Simpson's episode playing in my head. The country side is so littered with signs that you can not see the forest for the trees. That is how I envision political correctness; a sea of signs that say "do this not that", "speak this way, not that way", and be careful not to offend.

It really is just so very offensive in and of itself isn't it....

If Christmas offends you - do not read this

2005-12-08T13:03:00.000-05:00

As a matter of fact - if anything offends you don't read this. I got this email from a firend of mine on the heels of watching a news story about Christmas Tress - oops I am not sorry I said a dirty word - yes I said Christmas - not Holiday Tree. Below is the email...

I'm Offended That You're Offended
By Debbie Daniel

I'm on a "Merry Christmas" mission and I'm in full throttle. My little
yellow VW Beetle has turned into a Christmas billboard with Merry
Christmas written across the back window. Yes, I've decided to trek off to
work everyday on the public highways with a message that seems to offend
people.

At stop lights, I even turn my music up a little louder, and to top it
off, I sing along with it. Don't I know that stopping at a red light to
roll my windows down only to share the joy of Christmas carols on public
streets is a No-No? Don't I fear the Christmas Gestapo and those who would
have me remove the written message from my car?

I'm sorry folks, but the only person I'm concerned about "offending"
during this Christmas season is the Lord himself. LEAVE THAT MANGER ALONE!
We've allowed the Baby Jesus to be kicked out of His lowly manger, and
those offended by Christmas are still not happy.

I refuse to let this happen. I'm going to do my part to make sure "Merry
Christmas" doesn't become extinct. Because like it or not, if the
believers in Christmas don't take a stand now, it's gone forever.

Listen folks, the Christian community has been underestimated before! ; we
will have to show ourselves again.

I walked into a Wendy's Restaurant the other day and was rather exuberant
with my "Merry Christmas" greeting to the manager. He didn't have much of
a response and I said, "Where's your Christmas spirit?" He said, "We're
not allowed to use the words "Merry Christmas" when greeting customers. We
can only say "Happy Holiday."

This morning I grabbed a quick breakfast at a Whataburger Restaurant. I
noticed there wasn't a single decoration in the store. I asked the manager
why they weren't decorated for Christmas. He told me the corporate
headquarters decided not to send any decorations to any of their stores,
and he didn't know why.

After I heard about all the Macy's and Federated Stores taking down their
Merry Christmas signs, the Target stores not allowing the Salvation Army
to "Ring the Christmas bells," and the many incidents of children, choirs,
and bands not allowed to play o! r sing Christmas carols, I realized it
was happening right here in my own little Texas town.

How can this be? Not Texas!

We do, however, have a store, Hobby Lobby, that plays nothing but
Christmas carols during the season. On Christmas Day they run a full page
ad in our local newspaper. That ad is not to promote the store, but uses
the entire page to tell the story of Jesus' birth. Now that's taking a
stand. We need to thank them.

When I saw a news report the other evening of children being taught new
words to a song we've sung for years - "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" - I
was saddened to hear "We Wish You a Splendid Holiday."

I know now that it's just a matter of time that the "Merry Christmas"
greetings will be gone. Look around your town. Notice the "Holiday"
greetings and not "Christmas." It's happening right before our very eyes.

Start singing the songs; go down the streets of America singing to your
heart's content. Get some of those wash-off markers that these kids use to
write on their car windows when they're rooting for their hometown
football team. It's easy to do, and if a torrential rain washes it off,
write it on there again.

We've got to get this message out. "Go Tell It On the Mountain . . . that
Jesus Christ is Born." Sing it, speak it, be a billboard for our Lord.

The story of this "Baby Jesus" alone has brought about more goodwill at
this time of year than any other day we celebrate. How can we sit back and
allow Him to be snuffed out of our lives?

Is it Jesus, or is it His followers that the "offended" don't like? What
kind of revulsion galvanizes one to campaign so vehemently against the
mere mention of His name, the mere singing of a carol, or the mere visual
of a sign that says "Merry Christmas?"

I can listen to my own boss at work use some of the vilest words and
follow up with, "Excuse my French." I may cringe inside at his damning of
God's name, but I tolerate it. So if you don't like me wishing you a
"Merry Christmas," I'll say, "Excuse my joy." You may cringe that I
celebrate the birth of Jesus, but just tolerate it.

I cannot be concerned that "Merry Christmas" offends you. If I'm not
careful, the day will come when saying I'm a Christian will offend you.

I'm offended that you're offended. How about that?

When we get to a point that we can no longer take part in a tradition we
hold dear, we have no choice; we either defend that tradition or we give
it up to those who say NO. That's it . . . period. So, which will it be?

I'm not giving up my "Merry Christmas" joy to anyone. If I know of someone
that celebrates another holiday during this time of year, I will be glad
to wish them whatever holiday they want. Just tell me what it is and I'll
shout it to the world and wish you a grand celebration.

Just give me Christmas. To you merchants: Stop being so hypocritical and
"filling your tills" on the back of Jesus! Who do you think is the symbol
of giving at this time of year? It was the wise men bringing gifts to the
newborn Christ-child.

You want your coffers full, but have ordered your employees to take down
all the Merry Christmas signs. If that's the case, I'll buy gifts at a
place that understands my joy.

If you're worried about offending someone, you just did. The most recent
Newsweek survey shows that 82% of Americans believe that Jesus is the Son
of God. So, in trying not to offend a few, you've offended many.

It's okay to jump into the "Merry Christmas" spirit when it fills your
cash register, but let's call it something else . . . and don't stop
giving . . . and don't stop buying. . . we'll just change the name and
you'll never know the difference.

I know the difference and I'm feeling it greatly. It's hard not to be
aware that townships across our country have actually banned the singing
of Christmas carols because it might offend someone. And it's not just the
religious songs; it's the secular ones too. No more "Jingle Bells" or
"Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" because they're associated with
Christmas. Boy, aren't we getting sensitive?

If we're not celebrating Christmas for the hope it gives with the birth of
our Savior . . . there is no hope!

I noticed a few years ago that we changed the name of Abraham Lincoln's
and George Washington's birthday so as to be all inclusive regarding the
Presidents. Hark, if we should recognize anyone as exceptional. Now it's
called Presidents' Day.

Well, if we're going to be so all inclusive, next month I'll have to refer
to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day as Civil Rights Leaders' Day. We don't
want to exclude great Americans like Rosa Parks or Cesar Chavez, do we?
And to think that Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton might be left out.

We might need to change Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Grandparents' Day
to All Parents' Day. Just lump them all together.

It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? So what's the difference?

My freedom to celebrate Christmas in the tradition of the Christian
religion is as much my right as it is your right to be offended by it. So
what are we going to do? Did anyone hear me . . . what are we going to do?

Do we defend a person's right to go forward with a time tested tradition
(how about 2000 years?), or do we defend a person's right to end it all
because they're offended? As long as we live in this great land and have
the freedom to express ourselves and what we believe in, we will always
offend someone.

If we try to make everything right for everyone, we won't have anything
for anyone.

May you always have Christmas in your heart!

and a few fun earworms

2005-12-07T10:30:00.000-05:00

Cows with Guns

Ding Fries are Done

If anyone has any other earworms they would like to share - feel free....

The first snow...

2005-12-06T15:31:00.000-05:00

The first snow of the season blew through last night making people drive a little slower (GRRR). But a funny thing happened when I turned into the driveway and kicked it into 4-wheel drive...

So I am tootleing up my driveway - which is a pretty steep hill - and start to make the turn in to my garage bay (yes I have a bay now!!) and I started losing traction. No problem I am almost to the garage I will just stop and put it into 1st gear it will be fine. So I stop... and start sliding backwards.

Ever had the brain go - wait this is not the expected result, car is in drive, the brake is on, I should not be moving and I sure as hell should not be sliding backwards and a little bit sideways. So backwards and sideways I slide down the driveway. Now I got a little panicky because there is a tree that lives right next to the driveway that I am rapidly sliding backwards on. I missed the tree but figured that maybe this time I should get a better running start.

So up the driveway I go and I turn to get into the garage and all of the sudden I am sliding backwards again. So sliding backwards I am looking for the tree (like George of the jungle). Missed the tree again.

so after a few explicative words that all began with "F" I figure OK THAT DOES IT I am going to get up this damn hill - 4 lo. So I get up to the garage and I am just about to get into the garage and I am about to hit my car, slide back down the driveway got myself lined up and finally got into the darn garage.

Jeff pulls up and is laughing his ass off because he has watched the whole thing from the bottom of the driveway.

I thought it was really nice of him to be so supportive...

Moving ain't easy...

2005-12-06T15:06:00.000-05:00

You know when you move it can be a somewhat magical thing. You have visions of your new house and what kind of furniture you want to put where, what color you will paint the walls or maybe what wallpaper you might like. You are excited or maybe sick about the meeting the new neighbors and seeing what the neighborhood is like. At least you have some feelings of anticipation about spending your first night in your new home.

Will we hear the heat kick on? Will the water pipes rattle? Does the house creak? Can you hear the wind outside? And it is all kind of dreamy...

And then reality sets in....

The Direct TV showed up on time and as promised! (WOOHOO!) All of the rooms got wired for sound so anyone who needs to fall asleep with the TV on can - well when we have all of the TV's - and that was a good experience.

So everything was looking good so far!

ADELPHIA SUCKS ASS - yeah the cable guy was a no show - I know that some of you find that shocking, but it is true. So no internet access until Friday - bastards.

ok - so it was a stumbling block - I got to spend some time with my aunt and that was good so all was not lost.

And then the movers were late -really late. 5 hours late maybe. Yeah - more about that but I am working a few things out with the mover so I will not go into a lot of detail here other then to say, the outcome will depend on whether I sing their praises or classify them with Adelphia.

So needless to say that after 12:00 midnight when the movers were finally gone and I had managed to get one of the beds made with the parts that were not missing Jeff and I crawled into bed and did not hear the heat kick on, no pipes knocked, the house did not creak, and we could hear the wind blowing outside...

AHHH HOME!

AHHH Home Ownership!!

2005-11-30T13:29:00.000-05:00

Jeff and I closed on our house today!! And all went smoothly! Off to clean and wash and wash and clean...And get the dog used to the new house. She is a mess...

The things you learn on the loading dock

2005-11-29T18:41:00.000-05:00

I work with some great characters and today was a very enlightening day.

1. In Thailand basket women really do exist
2. There are women in Asia that can do some really disgusting things with their bodies (UMMM - yea enough said)
3. Helicopter has a whole new meaning.
4. You can drink from green bamboo - it may taste a little sour but it will sustain you.
5. Bushmaster snakes do not climb trees but they will hunt you down and kill you.
6. There are butterflies that are poisonous.
7. Real snipers keep both eyes open when making a shot.
8. The reason that this is done so that they can see the snake climbing out of the tree looking for a tasty human-pop.
9. You do not have to run faster then anyone else - just faster then the guy behind you.
10. Short skirts on windy days are not good - especially when you moon the next building.

Ode to Brian...

2005-11-29T18:36:00.000-05:00

Brian is karen's boyfriend and he is cool
he laughs at you when you drool.
He kicks ass in raquetball
And can give you the low down on football

Brian - this is you ode
I hope you are not to poed.

Hey bonus points I made it rhyme

It's Official - WE ARE MOVING!!

2005-11-28T17:44:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like waiting to go to settlement. You have your cashiers check, you have paid the home owners insurance, you have met all terms of the contract and with less then 48 hours before you settle you are still waiting on the sellers.

But with less then 48 hours the sellers have gotten all of their ducks in a row and we are going to settlement!!

YEA!!!! Jeff gets his 6 car garage and I get my pristine white walls to color!

The Pedal on the Right...

2005-11-28T12:14:00.000-05:00

As I was driving to work today it occurred to me that people were driving slowly. The cops were not taking radar, the roads were mostly dry, it was not raining or snowing. For no apparently reason people were driving slower.

Maybe it was the first day back to work after the big Turkey day. Maybe people had not recovered from a weekend of overindulgence that marks the begining of the holiday season. Maybe is was the grinches that are dreading the holiday shopping. Maybe it was that they had not run to Starbuck's gotten their quad shot venti two pump gingerbread latte to jump start their day.

Not only were people driving slowly, they were not yeilding the left lane to people who had gotten the quad shot venti two pump gingerbread if you do not get the hell out of my way I am going to run you over latte.

It is very simple people, the pedal on the right makes the car go faster... use it or yeild the lane.

T minus 2 days

2005-11-27T19:33:00.000-05:00

My wonderful husband and I are in the the process of buying a house, selling a house, and moving. They say that the most stressful things in life are new jobs, moving, and getting married. We just got married, J is starting a new job, and we are moving.

Things have been a lot of fun... no really they have!! We have gotten to throw away stuff, clean up stuff and mostly learned a lot about each other. We have had his projects that I have helped him with and I have had projects that he has helped me with. But this is the first project that has been our project.

The one thing that I learned is that J is the best and understands when I freak out about things. I think he learned that I may not be the best communicator in the world , but my heart is in the right spot.

T Minus 2 days to settlement... and the sellers have still not done everything that they have to do to....hmmm I wonder if we are going to make it to settlement.

2005-11-27T19:11:00.000-05:00

BILLICK - WTF!!!