St. Peter at the Pearly Gates

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are
all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on
earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Nelson Mandela's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie."
Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that He told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office.
He's using it as a ceiling fan

The tale of Morgan Ridge...

There once was a newly married couple who bought a house right after they were married. Not long after settlement a call needed to be placed for dirty hot water. The hot water tank was drained, cleaned, and refilled. There was much rejoicing!

Then it rained in the kitchen and call needed to be placed for repair. The repair was made and the tub was useable. There was a happy wife!

Along the way the circut breakers started to trip when heat was of much nessecity. Several calls were made and several repairmen came and went - with limited heat the wife was bent. Husband made the calls, jumped up and down, yelled at those who would not listen to reason. Finally the proper people addressed the issue and the rest of the winter was nice and toasty. The husband was very happy becasue all of the sudden he got blankets.

Huband was awoken at 5:00am sometime in February by his wife due to lack of water. No shower for wife, husband away, a phone call was placed to the repairman. While waiting for repair man to call, the wife changes the sediment filter, and what a surprise - it was clogged with dirt and slime.

With the water filter changed the water flowed, but not quite as nicely as it did before. It was ok until the water stopped flowing and the wife's temper was growing. Several times a day the filter was changed, all with the same response. With growing concern, husband called to have the well inspected.

The good news is that the well could limp us a long until a new well could be drilled. The well was collapsing and nothing could be done, go to the county and get the permit, and we will pick a spot and get this work done.

The trucks rolled in and set up shop, promising they had picked the right spot. The neighbors all gathered wonder what was going on. All the noise had drawn quite a crowd and come to find out - everyone's well had collapsed at one time or another.

600 feet and still no water. Husband had watched the work from top of his new tractor (which he broke in the first 24 hurs of ownership and wife had to fix), wife was sick and asked for reports. Husband and wife were told water was there and hydrofracturing is the answer. 8000PSI presure washer in to the 600 foot hole and sure enough the water was there!

But the story will continue as this saga is not quite done...

Goings on in the news...

If you were not born here or are not a citizen - get deported.

If you enjoy 14 year old kids sexually - get help you are a very sick person.

If you think that FEMA is at fault for Katrina victims - get a clue. People from NO have been livng on the dole and want to stay on the dole - the only way they get to do that is to make it look like the governemnt is not doing anything for them.

Been on the lam for 52 years and got caught - get a new pair of sneakers.

Your rating is at an all time low - get impeached.

Being held without bail by USICE - you gotta ask yourself - were the cars worth it?

You were accidentally shot years ago - pay it forward????

Won a Muzzle award - get the constitution and learn, live, love the first amendment.