Wednesday, December 21, 2005

To help you get through the holidays....

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

We will call one Rudolph and the other Twiggy!

Growing up my grandfather always fed the birds at his house and he would do battle with the squirrels every winter. He got electrified bird feeders, he got barbed bird feeders, he got ones that looked like space ships and one that looked like something no bird on earth would go near. He would bring them home with the look determination in his eye, elated because this bird feeder had a "no squirrels" warranty. There would be no squirrels that winter! Off he would go and hang his bird feeder. He would wait for the squirrels and laugh when they would fall off of his bird feeders. It really was an obsession for him. Ever seen Caddyshack? Yeah - you got the picture...

In the end all of these bird feeders only succeeding in making smarter squirrels and my grandfather finally admitted defeat and said that the squirrels gotta eat too.

We inherited quite a collection of bird feeders with the new house. Most of them look like houses and hang but one is the silver dome kind that is supposed to keep the squirrels out. Over the weekend Jeff bought bird food, I filled all of the feeders Sunday night, and we waited.

The first animal on the scene in the morning I found to be somewhat shocking. There in my back yard, 20 feet from my back door stood Rudolph and about 4 of his reindeer friends. Rudolph was rubbing the silver dome bird feeder up and down shaking out all of the bird seed. To my surprise he and his 4 reindeer friends began to eat all of the bird food off of the ground. Deer 1, bird feeder 0.

All of the birds started to show up - we had a woodpecker, both male and female Red Cardinals, male and female Blue Jays, quite a few Dove, and some other birds that I have yet to identify.

I have been sick for the past few days so between naps and being woken up by my Blackberry I have taken to watching the birds. Rudolph has not been seen since Monday morning, but all of the usually suspects have been munching...

This afternoon I got the first laugh I have had in days...

And we will call him Twiggy!

tosha the sledding dog...

All day Friday the only thing I wanted to do was go home and go sledding - I mean what good is a hill if you can not go sledding! So after work and triumphantly got up my driveway, I pulled out the brand new super slick fast as all get out sled that my mom got me (THANKS MOM!). I put the leash on it, got the dog, and set out flying down the hill!

I have found out something very interesting about my hill in front of my house - no matter how you set out - you are going to go into a clump of trees.

So there I am going 20 miles an hour heading for the trees - well what do you do - hit the trees or bail? I bailed ass over tin kettle and the wind caught my sled and off it went.

My dog, being the ultimate Labrador retriever goes off to rescue my sled. She jumped on it with all fours, and off she went at the speed of sound! She did something that I could not do, and that was slow down. I am not sure how she did it but she actually managed to stop the sled and even more surprising waited for me to come and get it. It was just one of those moments where you say to yourself - "Damn I wish I had a camera!"

Off to the top of the hill we went, picking a different spot on the hill and this time behind the house. I jumped on my super slick fast as all get out sled and start down the hill, Tosha in tow. This time I figured out how to steer the darn sled and we had a good run until we made the turn in front of the house and into the trees we went. Tosha looked at me as if to say - "momma - you are nuts! I am going to eat snow."

I climbed the hill again and decided that I was to tired to make another run and I had better get to shovelling the walk way.

Low and behold here comes a neighbor... and he wants to plow my driveway! PERFECT!

He plowed I shoveled and went for one more run on my super slick fast as all get out sled... down the hill I went avoiding all trees, well almost all trees. I was going a little to fast so I stuck my foot out and did a 180. So I am flying down the hill backwards with absolutely no way to stop. Backwards I go into the woods.

So the neighbor now thinks I am crazy, but was more then happy to cut a deal with me to plow my driveway for the rest of the winter and I got to break in my super slick fast as all get out sled that my mom bought me (THANKS MOM)!

Monday, December 12, 2005

Third time is a charm...

We finally have internet access... it only took three visits but we have it! And it flies...

Adelphia no longer sucks. The first time they were supposed to come out they were a no show. The second time the guy was entirely interested in getting home. FINALLY we got someone who fixed everything and got us up an running.

Point of interest - it is illegal for Direct TV to splice cable lines. Cable companies are supposed to disconnect Direct TV when this happens. Lucky for Jeff and I we got a really cool guy who hooked us up - only because the only lines the Direct TV did not hijack was the one for the cable modem!

Note to self - next time we buy a house we will investigate this...

Friday, December 09, 2005


Goodbye, Moon

What is next? Are they going to digitally alter the US Constitution from saying "We the people" to "We the religious right, over protective, over bearing, right infringing, censoring, offended people"

I do not understand and cannot begin to understand where we went wrong as a country in terms of political correctness. We can not call Christmas Christmas anymore. OOPS - I did it again I sad the dirty "C" word and have probably offended my non-Christmas friends. I celebrate Christmas, maybe you celebrate Chanukah (which, in case you were wondering - is not a dirty "C" word) or something else that I have never even heard of. But that is what makes this country so diverse. Instead of celebrating that and opening our hearts and minds to different ideas we have chosen to go down the road of political correctness. BAH HUMBUG!

A person is not handicapped any more - they are disabled or physically challenged. Someone with a handicap sure is challenged - they have to work more then twice as hard to make it in today's world. To make decent wages, to earn the respect of their peers, to just survive in a society that truly believes that every woman should be 6 feet tall, weight 100 pounds, and be beautiful.

A person is not blind anymore - they are vision impaired. But here is something refreshing - blind people do not want to be called "visually impaired" - they want to be called blind. Or at least that is what the National Federation for the Blind is saying. They are offended by the term "person with a vision impairment". GOOD FOR THEM.

Apparently - we can not have brainstorms anymore - it might offend people with epilepsy.

Children do not fail any more - they get do overs. Children do not lose games anymore because we do not keep score. God forbid that little Johnny learns what losing feels like and learns how to be more competitive. I guess the lesson we are supposed to take away from this is that it is politically incorrect to fail? Even if we really do fail.

Losing and failure are two things that teach people what they are made of and are fundamental to life. We all lose things and people. Whether it be a game, a favorite piece of jewelry, a friend, a family member, a job, a house, your car keys - we all lose something. We all fail at something too. It could be we fail to meet other people's expectations, we fail to get home before curfew, we fail to follow rules. But instead of raising children to know these things and all of the feelings that go along with them, we let political correctness prevail. Johnny enters college or the work force and since little Johnny's mother has been saying, "My Johnny would never cheat on a test," or "My Johnny would never hit anyone," or "My Sally would never bring drugs to school," or my personal favorite, "It must be the teacher does not like little Sara or Johnny and that is why he / she is not passing the class," little Johnny or Sara is failing.

No little Johnny is failing because mommy has stood in the way and not let the Johnny or Sara understand what it feels like to fail. To have that feeling of humiliation; of anguish; of embarrassment. Because you know - it would be politically incorrect.

Hand in hand with being politically correct comes censorship - which our forefathers thought even less of then the Queen's tea. Censorship in the name of political correctness brings things like digitally changing the image in a children's book that has been around since before I was a child. Banning people on the air waves like Howard Stern, who is in my opinion, the King of Politically Incorrect. People are falsely lulled into different perceptions of themselves. (little Johnny)

There is great debate among scholars, government, and coming soon The Supreme Court over political correctness. Mr. Newdow is offended that "In God We Trust" is imprinted on our currency - he is an atheist and does not believe in God. He finds our currency offensive. If he wins, our currency will be changed. Never mind that there are 295,734,133 other people in this nation; this guy is offended.

I just keep getting this Simpson's episode playing in my head. The country side is so littered with signs that you can not see the forest for the trees. That is how I envision political correctness; a sea of signs that say "do this not that", "speak this way, not that way", and be careful not to offend.

It really is just so very offensive in and of itself isn't it....

Thursday, December 08, 2005

If Christmas offends you - do not read this

As a matter of fact - if anything offends you don't read this. I got this email from a firend of mine on the heels of watching a news story about Christmas Tress - oops I am not sorry I said a dirty word - yes I said Christmas - not Holiday Tree. Below is the email...

I'm Offended That You're Offended
By Debbie Daniel

I'm on a "Merry Christmas" mission and I'm in full throttle. My little
yellow VW Beetle has turned into a Christmas billboard with Merry
Christmas written across the back window. Yes, I've decided to trek off to
work everyday on the public highways with a message that seems to offend

At stop lights, I even turn my music up a little louder, and to top it
off, I sing along with it. Don't I know that stopping at a red light to
roll my windows down only to share the joy of Christmas carols on public
streets is a No-No? Don't I fear the Christmas Gestapo and those who would
have me remove the written message from my car?

I'm sorry folks, but the only person I'm concerned about "offending"
during this Christmas season is the Lord himself. LEAVE THAT MANGER ALONE!
We've allowed the Baby Jesus to be kicked out of His lowly manger, and
those offended by Christmas are still not happy.

I refuse to let this happen. I'm going to do my part to make sure "Merry
Christmas" doesn't become extinct. Because like it or not, if the
believers in Christmas don't take a stand now, it's gone forever.

Listen folks, the Christian community has been underestimated before! ; we
will have to show ourselves again.

I walked into a Wendy's Restaurant the other day and was rather exuberant
with my "Merry Christmas" greeting to the manager. He didn't have much of
a response and I said, "Where's your Christmas spirit?" He said, "We're
not allowed to use the words "Merry Christmas" when greeting customers. We
can only say "Happy Holiday."

This morning I grabbed a quick breakfast at a Whataburger Restaurant. I
noticed there wasn't a single decoration in the store. I asked the manager
why they weren't decorated for Christmas. He told me the corporate
headquarters decided not to send any decorations to any of their stores,
and he didn't know why.

After I heard about all the Macy's and Federated Stores taking down their
Merry Christmas signs, the Target stores not allowing the Salvation Army
to "Ring the Christmas bells," and the many incidents of children, choirs,
and bands not allowed to play o! r sing Christmas carols, I realized it
was happening right here in my own little Texas town.

How can this be? Not Texas!

We do, however, have a store, Hobby Lobby, that plays nothing but
Christmas carols during the season. On Christmas Day they run a full page
ad in our local newspaper. That ad is not to promote the store, but uses
the entire page to tell the story of Jesus' birth. Now that's taking a
stand. We need to thank them.

When I saw a news report the other evening of children being taught new
words to a song we've sung for years - "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" - I
was saddened to hear "We Wish You a Splendid Holiday."

I know now that it's just a matter of time that the "Merry Christmas"
greetings will be gone. Look around your town. Notice the "Holiday"
greetings and not "Christmas." It's happening right before our very eyes.

Start singing the songs; go down the streets of America singing to your
heart's content. Get some of those wash-off markers that these kids use to
write on their car windows when they're rooting for their hometown
football team. It's easy to do, and if a torrential rain washes it off,
write it on there again.

We've got to get this message out. "Go Tell It On the Mountain . . . that
Jesus Christ is Born." Sing it, speak it, be a billboard for our Lord.

The story of this "Baby Jesus" alone has brought about more goodwill at
this time of year than any other day we celebrate. How can we sit back and
allow Him to be snuffed out of our lives?

Is it Jesus, or is it His followers that the "offended" don't like? What
kind of revulsion galvanizes one to campaign so vehemently against the
mere mention of His name, the mere singing of a carol, or the mere visual
of a sign that says "Merry Christmas?"

I can listen to my own boss at work use some of the vilest words and
follow up with, "Excuse my French." I may cringe inside at his damning of
God's name, but I tolerate it. So if you don't like me wishing you a
"Merry Christmas," I'll say, "Excuse my joy." You may cringe that I
celebrate the birth of Jesus, but just tolerate it.

I cannot be concerned that "Merry Christmas" offends you. If I'm not
careful, the day will come when saying I'm a Christian will offend you.

I'm offended that you're offended. How about that?

When we get to a point that we can no longer take part in a tradition we
hold dear, we have no choice; we either defend that tradition or we give
it up to those who say NO. That's it . . . period. So, which will it be?

I'm not giving up my "Merry Christmas" joy to anyone. If I know of someone
that celebrates another holiday during this time of year, I will be glad
to wish them whatever holiday they want. Just tell me what it is and I'll
shout it to the world and wish you a grand celebration.

Just give me Christmas. To you merchants: Stop being so hypocritical and
"filling your tills" on the back of Jesus! Who do you think is the symbol
of giving at this time of year? It was the wise men bringing gifts to the
newborn Christ-child.

You want your coffers full, but have ordered your employees to take down
all the Merry Christmas signs. If that's the case, I'll buy gifts at a
place that understands my joy.

If you're worried about offending someone, you just did. The most recent
Newsweek survey shows that 82% of Americans believe that Jesus is the Son
of God. So, in trying not to offend a few, you've offended many.

It's okay to jump into the "Merry Christmas" spirit when it fills your
cash register, but let's call it something else . . . and don't stop
giving . . . and don't stop buying. . . we'll just change the name and
you'll never know the difference.

I know the difference and I'm feeling it greatly. It's hard not to be
aware that townships across our country have actually banned the singing
of Christmas carols because it might offend someone. And it's not just the
religious songs; it's the secular ones too. No more "Jingle Bells" or
"Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" because they're associated with
Christmas. Boy, aren't we getting sensitive?

If we're not celebrating Christmas for the hope it gives with the birth of
our Savior . . . there is no hope!

I noticed a few years ago that we changed the name of Abraham Lincoln's
and George Washington's birthday so as to be all inclusive regarding the
Presidents. Hark, if we should recognize anyone as exceptional. Now it's
called Presidents' Day.

Well, if we're going to be so all inclusive, next month I'll have to refer
to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day as Civil Rights Leaders' Day. We don't
want to exclude great Americans like Rosa Parks or Cesar Chavez, do we?
And to think that Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton might be left out.

We might need to change Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Grandparents' Day
to All Parents' Day. Just lump them all together.

It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? So what's the difference?

My freedom to celebrate Christmas in the tradition of the Christian
religion is as much my right as it is your right to be offended by it. So
what are we going to do? Did anyone hear me . . . what are we going to do?

Do we defend a person's right to go forward with a time tested tradition
(how about 2000 years?), or do we defend a person's right to end it all
because they're offended? As long as we live in this great land and have
the freedom to express ourselves and what we believe in, we will always
offend someone.

If we try to make everything right for everyone, we won't have anything
for anyone.

May you always have Christmas in your heart!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

and a few fun earworms

Cows with Guns

Ding Fries are Done

If anyone has any other earworms they would like to share - feel free....

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The first snow...

The first snow of the season blew through last night making people drive a little slower (GRRR). But a funny thing happened when I turned into the driveway and kicked it into 4-wheel drive...

So I am tootleing up my driveway - which is a pretty steep hill - and start to make the turn in to my garage bay (yes I have a bay now!!) and I started losing traction. No problem I am almost to the garage I will just stop and put it into 1st gear it will be fine. So I stop... and start sliding backwards.

Ever had the brain go - wait this is not the expected result, car is in drive, the brake is on, I should not be moving and I sure as hell should not be sliding backwards and a little bit sideways. So backwards and sideways I slide down the driveway. Now I got a little panicky because there is a tree that lives right next to the driveway that I am rapidly sliding backwards on. I missed the tree but figured that maybe this time I should get a better running start.

So up the driveway I go and I turn to get into the garage and all of the sudden I am sliding backwards again. So sliding backwards I am looking for the tree (like George of the jungle). Missed the tree again.

so after a few explicative words that all began with "F" I figure OK THAT DOES IT I am going to get up this damn hill - 4 lo. So I get up to the garage and I am just about to get into the garage and I am about to hit my car, slide back down the driveway got myself lined up and finally got into the darn garage.

Jeff pulls up and is laughing his ass off because he has watched the whole thing from the bottom of the driveway.

I thought it was really nice of him to be so supportive...

Moving ain't easy...

You know when you move it can be a somewhat magical thing. You have visions of your new house and what kind of furniture you want to put where, what color you will paint the walls or maybe what wallpaper you might like. You are excited or maybe sick about the meeting the new neighbors and seeing what the neighborhood is like. At least you have some feelings of anticipation about spending your first night in your new home.

Will we hear the heat kick on? Will the water pipes rattle? Does the house creak? Can you hear the wind outside? And it is all kind of dreamy...

And then reality sets in....

The Direct TV showed up on time and as promised! (WOOHOO!) All of the rooms got wired for sound so anyone who needs to fall asleep with the TV on can - well when we have all of the TV's - and that was a good experience.

So everything was looking good so far!

ADELPHIA SUCKS ASS - yeah the cable guy was a no show - I know that some of you find that shocking, but it is true. So no internet access until Friday - bastards.

ok - so it was a stumbling block - I got to spend some time with my aunt and that was good so all was not lost.

And then the movers were late -really late. 5 hours late maybe. Yeah - more about that but I am working a few things out with the mover so I will not go into a lot of detail here other then to say, the outcome will depend on whether I sing their praises or classify them with Adelphia.

So needless to say that after 12:00 midnight when the movers were finally gone and I had managed to get one of the beds made with the parts that were not missing Jeff and I crawled into bed and did not hear the heat kick on, no pipes knocked, the house did not creak, and we could hear the wind blowing outside...


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