Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Never under estimate the power of a snow shovel

and a woman who knows how to use it. So the water sagas continue...

Bleaching the well was fun - I hope we never have to do that again. Hot water filled with chlorine wrecks havoc on the nasal passages. But the good part to all of that is that we now know it take approximately 7 hours to drain the well dry and we could get almost all of the dirt that was dug up running the pipe from the well to the house back into the trench. Not more bump in the middle of the lawn!! YEA!

Our new, very expensive, very deep, steel lined well was hit by lightening, which fried the well pump controller. FABULOUS NO WATER. The well company was out the next day to replace the controler - VOILA! WATER BACK! YEA!!!

With all of the much needed rain, I figured it was time to check the foundation and garages to make sure we did not have any water issues. I know, I know - why go looking for trouble. And trouble I did find. Six inches of water in the garage. (explicative! explicative! explicative!) Off to TSC, wal-mart, Ace Harware, and Southern States not a submersible pump to be found. SO I started brushing the water out of the garage - that did not work to well. And then I found the snow shovel...

for 3 hours I used the snow shovel to get the GD F-ing H2O out of the garage.

Which BTW - is still wet! GRRR

Friday, June 16, 2006

Yeah - it is one of THOSE kind of days

5PM That's a Wrap

Customer: Is Office 2003 the latest version of Office that's out?
Salesperson: Yeah, they most likely won't come out with a new version until Vista is released, which should be about the end of the year.
Customer: What's that?
Salesperson: Vista?
Customer: Yeah, Rista? What is that? Is that the new Office?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the new operating system that's coming out. Last I heard Microsoft was planning to release it near the end of this year.
Customer: Microsoft's going to sell computers now?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the operating system that gets installed on computers. It's what makes your computer run.
Customer: Oh, yeah, I knew that already. Are you going to be carrying Microsoft's new computers?

Willard Building
State College, Pennsylvania

via Overheard in the Office, Jun 13, 2006

Or better yet....

5PM That's a Wrap

Customer #1: Does the Peaks Island Ferry go to Peaks Island?
Ticket agent: Yes.
Customer#1: Does it come back?
Customer #2: No, it's the barge to Hades. It only goes one way.

Casco Bay Lines Ferry Terminal
Portland, Maine

via Overheard in the Office, Jun 9, 2006

Monday, June 12, 2006

What the Witch did...

Now that I can speak without offending a possible sister-in-law, I can disclose the long and the short of psycho.

Two weeks ago my in-laws came down from NY. And my Brother-in-law brought down a girl he had been dating for a short time. Long enough to know something was off, but not long enough to know how off. I have to say I did not like her from the second I laid eyes on her. She just seemed - well - too comfortable - no that is not it - too much like I owed her something for her presence. That is not it - but something was just wrong. Maybe it was the coke bottle glasses. Not sure.

My mother-in-law had spent 5 hours in the car with her and when she and Scott double timed it to the grocery store and left her with me - I knew it was going to be bad. Within 10 minutes I got the briefcase version of her life. She had spent 7 year in a relationship, of which only 2 were good. But she stayed in it because it was comfortable. She wasn't allowed to go out for her 21st birthday because the guy was younger and forbid her to go. She paid this guys child support and drove to NC to pick the infant up - by herself. She was "trolling" for a man when she met my brother-in-law. And even though they had only known each other for a short time she felt like she had known him all her life and she was so in love with him. (PUKE)

So at this time I think just about every bell, whistle, and red flag were going off.

She then proceeds to tell me she is 30 yrs old, lives at home, pays not rent, doesn't do her own laundry, doesn't make her bed, and her mother wakes her up for work. Translation - "I am a princess. And I expect that from everyone."

And expect it she did. She did not clear her plates, she did not help with dishes, she left dirty dishes all over the house, and generally did not lift a finger to do anything all weekend. It was a chore for her to give me her dirty towels - so I could sanitize them.

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon. We all headed to leesburg for some shopping. We left my brother-in-law to drive Witch and the rest of us drove in another car. All the way down I am watching in the rear view. She is chatting away and my brother-in-law has the sourest look on his face. I knew that this was not good.

So while shopping my mother-in-law turns up at the meeting place with bags gallery. I step up to help her with all of her bags while Witch just watches. She did not raise a finger to help. I decided that that was it. It was on!

We all went to dinner with some of Jeff's and my friends. It was a pitcher night and I kept pouring. OK so this was evil of me, especially because everyone can drink; and Witch is a light weight. After about 3 beers she was in a compromised state. After dinner we all ended up at the bar and a contest was put on the table. Witch decided that she was going to go head to head with A. I did try to tell her it was not a good idea. But while she was downing her Crown Royal with a water back, she decided that it was a good idea to call me a bitch. And when I called her on it she backpedaled. There were a few other exchanges but in the end, let's just say, Witch ended up in the bathroom trying to separate herself from her left lung all the while praying to the porcelain god of flushing and cold surfaces.

Keep in mind that this is all going on in front of my mother-in-law. And my brother-in-law's comment was priceless "If she wants to embarrass herself, more power to her, but it isn't buying her any favors."

In the morning A and I apologized for our intoxication and for anything we may have said that was inappropriate. But not Witch. No apology, no nothing.

So home she went and not a word of thanks to anyone. (*sigh*) oh well - at least she and her stage 20 clingerness is gone!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!!

This past weekend my in-laws were in with a new guest. My brother-in-law- brought his girlfriend down. Without going into all of the details, we did not like her. No one liked her. Not Jeff, none of my friends, and special thanks to Angie and Lynn for taking one for the team!! I still owe you sushi.

I took my brother-in-law for a little gaunt Sunday and expressed my "concerns" - ok to me they were huge red flags and alarms were going off after about 3 mintues after I met this girl when she decided to cozy up to me. Foolishly thinking I was a friend. I believe that my last comment in that conversation was that she was a stage 10 clinger and that if we have a vote on who comes into this family - she does not have mine.

Jeff and I received wonderful news last night - he kicked her to the curb!!!

GO SCOTT!! There are plenty of others out there, who are not stage 10 clingers and can make their own bed and are not dependent on the mother to wake them up for work at the age of 30!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Herman's Schooling day!

Monday, June 05, 2006

farewell friend and may there be horses in heaven

I learned today that a good friend and a mentor passed away. He took me under his wing and taught me everything I could ever want to know and more about horses. Under his watch I went from a girl who knew how to get around on a horse to a woman who could ride, pony, groom, breeze, jump and muck with the best of them. OK so maybe not the best of them but better then most of them.

It is hard to believe that Mikey is gone. I will remember him for his time, his patience, pushing me when I was unsure, being kind when I goofed, praising the good and working on the bad never with an unkind word. But most of all I will remember him for his sense of humor and his horsemanship.

I had a long stint at Smithwick and watched a lot come and go. Mikey took us all in and taught us all as much as we wanted to learn. Whether it be how to care for a horse with a bowed tendon, a puncture wound through the shoulder, an eye problem, a tongue problem, a bleeder, colic, timber shins, cuts and scrapes, scallops, a heel, a clip, spider bandages, abscesses or how to get a young horse to settle and not shy, over his or her first jump, or bring a horse back from an injury, you left Smithwicks with an education - a real world one.

Some of my best memories are:

"If you don't have leg you don't have a horse. Above all take care of the legs."

The first day I came to Smithwick Stables riding Spice into a herd of horses I had never seen and bring home Bronze Angle and Tingle's Image. Bronze Angle is a big dark bay with a white blaze and thick legs. Tingle's Image is a big chestnut with 4 white socks.

Learning to sit Ginny's trot bareback.

Jumping fences at lunch.

Lessons with Kurt Rosenthal.

Hose fights with Mikey and Speedy.

Mikey making me clean all of the tack and then muck all of the stall at Pop's Bottom barn.

Cleaning racing tack the night before the races.

On the way to Virginia Gold cup and playing musical horses in the van.

Rappahanock, Strawberry Hill, Middleburg, Maryland Hunt Cup, Virginia Gold Cup, Hard Scuffle, Atlantic City, Saratoga.

New saw dust.

Barney, Blue, Spice, Jam, Ginny, Wing, and Petunia.

Jumping lessons with Alex and Rica.

Coffee - black 2 sugars

Mikey teaching me how to:
make a notecard sound like grain.

teach a young horse how to eat a carrot.

pack hooves for thrush.

Mikey making me ride Cracker Jack, after Dyson's victory party, in the snow.

How to get Reef across water.

Jumping lessons with Mikey.

Jumping Jam backwards in the shedrow. Well - jumping everything in the shed row.

Mikey asking me very nicely to unload a truck of 150 lbs bale of alfalfa."I'll give you $100 so you can go have your nails done again."

Hup-ho, Alex!

Riding the horses by the bedroom window when Mikey was laid up so he could see them.

Jumping in and out of fields, bathtubs, oil tanks, and hurdles.

Lounge line lessons, Bareback lessons, Whip cracking lessons.

Being the loungeline holder for the cooler jump.

The young horses.

Trail through the woods by the road.

Foxhunting in the big field.

Uncle Uno, Oficio, Sort of a Devil, Skunk, Gibson Island, Insatiable, King, Sweet Air, Fight Talk, Meet the Best, Reckner, Total Result, JP emperor, Wide Turn, Old Soul, Warren Place, Rougemont, Navy Pilot, Thurston Hill, Kilkenny, Crisco, Skylark, Rock Eagle, Waldo, Mucho Carino, Catalina, Be Nimble, Devil's Bag, Gone West, West By Northwest, Norquestor, Boomtown Bob, Bix, Tingle's Image, Bronze Angle, Tigors and hundreds more whose names I have forgotten, but by God I remember their legs!

King pulling the drag through the snow.

Mikey and Kirsten teaching me to drive King to pull the drag through the snow.

Teaching me how to tub a horse which turned into teaching a horse how to tub.

"Run up there and see if they hayed that field. No not on the road - over the fences."

Doing feed lists.

Spreading hay in the big field.

3:30am wakeup calls to beat the heat.

Stories about the old days of hunting, and steeplechasing.

Sending Mikey on a formal hunt with a Bugs Bunny saddlepad.

Riding Jam and Spice through Mikey's house.

Sleeping in the basement.

Exam week.

Mikey talking me out of buying a horse.

Mikey talking me into buying a horse. - Funny how that worked.

Mikey being the serpentine leader in the shedrow in the winter "If you are paying attention you can learn more riding in the shedrow then you can in the field."

There are a million more fond memories. So to my friend I bid farewell, thank you for taking the time to teach me, and may there be horses in heaven. Mikey - you will be missed and the world is worse off without you.

Friday, June 02, 2006

I have a Golden Horse shoe!!!!

When I woke up this morning before the dreaded alarm, and I did not get torpedeoed by my dog, and I got to take a shower and got out the door with very little issues (unlike yesterday) I knew it was going to be a good day!

I was able to get some time off next tuesday to take Herman to go school cross country. He will be competeing on July 1st if I can get him in.

The yellow lab did not snore last night and wake me up - and neither did Husband come to think of it.

Yuppers good day.

So I am tootling to work with my rather heavy lead foot. I was in my own little zone not really noticing that I was blowing by tractor trailers like they were standing still. You know, in my head singing a tune; not paying attention to a darn thing other then the open lane in front of me. And then I see him, a white Frederick Country police car hiding behind the bridge that they are ALWAYS hiding behind.

He saw me before I saw him. I checked my speed - darn near 3 digits. I just thought, " He's got me. I minds wells pull over and not make him chase me."

So I pull over and here he comes - no lights on. I am waiting on the shoulder for him, getting out my registration, my drivers license, proof of insurance. You know, everything they always ask for. I see him in my rear view getting in to the slow lane, but he is not slowing down. Then he blows by me.

I mean blew by me on the side of the road. Rocked the car and everything. It took a few seconds for it to register - I was doing darn near close to 100 MPH, He got me - I know he got me - and he just left me on the side of I-70 with my drivers license, registration, and proof of insurance.

HOT DOG! WHEW HOO! It is going to be a good day!!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Sheet stain (vulgarity coming forth)

OK so I had a bad day yesterday - a really bad day. A friend was walked out, which cause general upheaval and a lot of kaos. It was pretty bad and the only thing I wanted to do was get my digits polished and prettied.

Before I continue I feel compeled to let you know that I like my friends kids, and for the most part there isn't really anything I would not do for my friends kids. Some of them are extremely artistic, where other would much rather throw mudpies (remember mudpies!?!). Some are extremely bright and other have to work for everything they get. But none of them, and I mean none of them, would do what these kids were doing.

I personally will not be having children. Maybe because my mother wished a child on my that was 4 times worse then I was, or maybe because I think they are little germ factories, or maybe because I am selfish and want my toys. Bottomline - no kids for me.

So at 4:07 yesterday I am behind one of Frederick County's fine yellow cheese wagons, which means there were elementry students on board. And the group of kids in the back are doing what a lot of young kids do - get the attention of a driver in a car.

They weren't doing the honk your horn motion, they were making lude gestures and mouthing "Suck my dick". They were giving my the finger and yelling something that was inaudible.

There is the bus driver flashing the lights telling the kids to sit down. So I spung my finger around and mouthed "turn around and sit down". And they did - I was kind of impressed. Then they all jump back up and started scream "Go fuck yourself".

I started getting mad. I mean really mad. And I know that if I did anything remotely like that in elementary school my butt was going to be black and blue because my mother whould have beaten my butt with a wooden spoon. So being in a bad mood and hating the world I got to thinking. These little shits are going to grow up and produce bigger shits when they really should have been the stains on their partents sheets to begin with. Or maybe they should have run down the crack of their mothers ass.

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